I'm Miranda... how do you like me so far?

untitled

2008-10-22T16:18:00.000-07:00

Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
- W.B. Yeats

the red earth of Tara

2008-10-20T09:56:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was filled with hiking through two different state parks in Illinois. It was perfect. The air was crisp and cool, but not too cold; the leaves were starting to change color; the openess and freedom of the outdoors was beckoning.

Saturday, at Siloam Springs State Park near Griggsville/Pittsfield, we took a canoe out into the middle of the lake and just sat, enjoying the spectacular views of nature around us. After attempting to climb a rock cliff, falling down a ravine and being hit by falling rocks, we left the state park, stopping in Griggsville for some food.

Griggsville was hosting one of the starting points for the annual Pike County Fall Color Drive. Unfortuately for Pike County, the colors aren't out in full force yet; however, that didn't dampen the excitement and enthusiasm of the locals who were hosting a mini-town festival in conjunction with the Fall Color Drive.

One of the things I miss now living in Springfield is your typical small town festival. As we walked around the booths offering everything from candles to "country folk art", it reminded me of the small town festivals I went to in Ashland growing up. Getting a ribeye steak sandwich with barbeque sauce at the FFA tent just make it that much more nostalgic. (And picking up a giant bag of kettle korn made it a more gastro-exciting day!)

The nostalgia for the old days didn't really sink in, however, until Sunday, when we went out to Site M, or the Jim Edgar Panther Creek State Fish and Wildlife Area, as it's now known. (See why the locals still call it Site M?) Site M is a 26 mile-square tract of land that consists of 6,000 acres of timberland and 4,200 acres of prime farmland and rolling hill prairie for prairie grass conservation. This massive conservation initiative is mere 10 minute drive from my parents' house; turning onto the road leading to Site M included directions such as "ok, now turn right at Alicia Rogers' house". Walking through the open areas and the dense forests, passing campgrounds that I have camped at numerous times, seeing farmers in the fields cutting beans, the nostalgia for small-town life hit me again.

At the end of the day, when the sun began to set, the view of a million colors painting the sky, covered with a soft haze of dirt stirred up by the combines in the fields, was truly breathtaking. I don't get to see that living here in Springfield. And I wonder if all the conviences of living in the city is worth it in the end. For all the perks, what have I given up?

The outdoors and country atmosphere is part of who I am. It's nice to get my batteries recharged by nature and the open country air once in a while.

'You get your strength from this red earth of Tara. You're part of it, and it's part of you.' - Rhett Butler, Gone With the Wind

bored - babysitting and kids are sleeping

2008-10-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

33 Little Secrets
Be honest no matter what...
1: Who are your last 4 texts from? April, Mandy, Laura, Sarah Liz

2: Where was your default picture taken? The pic on my blog - me kissing the Blarney Stone in Ireland!

3: What's your middle name? Lynette

4: Whats your current favorite color? Green

5: Does your crush like you back? nope :(

6: What is your current mood? tired, bored, and I have a killer headache

7: When is your birthday? July 14

8: What color shirt are you wearing? blue Superman shirt from Metropolis, IL

9: If you were going on a Reality TV show, which one would it be? Survivor!!! :)

10: Did you ever sneak into an R rated movie? didn't have to

11: Ever had a near death experience? yes, almost decaptiated in car accident in '99

12: Something you do a lot? work, text, shop

13: How old will you be in 12 months? 33

14: Do you want to see somebody right now? Sure do

15: How many piercings? none - my earrings ripped out when I was in high school

16: When was the last time you cried? Wednesday

17: Who would you do anything for? the kids

18: Who is your hero? I have to answer...Charissa Holland!

19: American Pie or Superbad? neither, they are both stupid

20: What's your biggest fear? being alone

21: Would you ever take one of your ex's back? I always say, they are ex for a reason

22: What are you going to do tonight? babysitting the Trimmer kids

23: What was the first thing you said this morning? Called Mandy

24: Speak any other languages? French, and can sign some

25: Whats your favorite smell? Irish peat moss, babies, the fabulous turkey I make with a cloves and nutmeg rub

26: Do you like to sleep naked? only in the summer when it's really hot

27: Do you like rain? I love rain!! :)

28: What are you thinking about right now? Trying to figure out what caused this knot on the back of my head.......and hoping that baby Cameron doesn't wake up again!

29: What did your last outgoing text say? Are you still in line?

30: What are you listening to? Lucas coughing

31: Who was the last person you yelled at? um....I don't remember, I'm not really a yeller

32: who is the last person you said 'i love you' to? Lucas

33: Who last made you smile? Have to go with Lucas again, the kid cracks me up!!!

quote of the month

2008-10-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

"Don't let someone become your priority, when you're only his option."

I don't know where this came from (I saw it on Krista Walbert's facebook, I believe). I did a Google search, and no one out there knows its origin.

I love this quote. It totally fits my situation right now, and I'm not going to do it any longer!

Why are men so frustrating and clueless????

sleeping beauty - why prince phillip rocks

2008-10-08T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the 5oth anniversary edition of Sleeping Beauty was released. I hadn't watched it in a while, but as I watched it last night, it totally reminded me how much I love that movie and why Prince Phillip is my favorite prince.

So, in honor of this, here's a list from retrojunk.com on why Prince Phillip rocks.

Pro: For starters he was the first Disney Prince with a name. Also extremely decisive; after meeting a girl in a forest and spending a record-breaking period of five minutes dancing with her he returned home declaring his intentions to annul his long-standing betrothal with the neighbor’s daughter in order to marry the girl he just met. Obviously a man of action. No shirk in the physical department either. Was ambushed in said maiden’s house without any weapons by superior numbers but managed to get in numerous good blows before going down. After being imprisoned in a powerful enchantress’s fortress, he escaped with only the help of a trio of fairies, fought his way through dozens of her minions and rode across a collapsing bridge to rescue his girl. He then had to slash through an entire forest of thorns to access her palace, (which took him all of about twenty seconds) and finally had to battle the enchantress herself, who morphed into a forty-foot dragon. Despite being seemingly outmatched, he fought her to a standstill and finally killed her by throwing his sword into her heart and still made it back in time to wake the princess.

On the other hand: He still lives with his parents.

Songs: Just one, and only a short duet with Aurora.

His woman: Princess Aurora; the Sleeping Beauty. Having been betrothed to her since he was eight, Philip was pretty much destined to get her, but boy did he have his work cut out for him (see Pro list).

Companions: His horse Sampson, (a truly manly name, even for a horse) the worlds most invincible steed. Able to stride through great flaming forests of thorns without acquiring so much as a scratch in his leathery flanks, and might be the only Disney animal who ever needed to be bribed in order to help his master look for the princess.

_____

If you need another reason to love Prince Phillip....check out David Beckham's photo shoot with Annie Leibowitz as Prince Phillip.......all I can say is WOW!

myths of christian dating

2008-10-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

so, I found this article rather interesting the other day. It's "The Top 5 Myths of Christian Dating". You can read the whole thing by clicking this link: http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/2008/mind0618.html

While the whole article is good, there is one part I found particularly intriguing:

Myth #4: "You have to be friends with a woman before you can date her."

This is the point where I might tick off some of you, so allow me to assuage your anger before I explain this myth. I am not saying that you cannot or should not be friends before dating. I'm also not talking about a man and a woman who are interested in each other and agree to be friends for a period before dating. Some of the most successful relationships begin in friendship. Sometimes you don't even know you want to date someone until you're friends with her. I've met couples who were friends for years and then fell in love. It's a super way to start a relationship.

The problem is that a lot of men think the best way to pursue a woman is to befriend her while hiding their interest in dating her. This is a rotten idea and sets a lot of men up for trouble.

Tommy was a client of mine who tried this approach. He had been interested in a woman at his church for a few months, but he was terrified of rejection. So he made his best effort to become her friend, never letting on that he wanted to be her boyfriend. He gave her rides to church, had coffee with her, and talked to her on the phone two or three times a week. Whenever she needed help or support, Tommy was there. But he never asked her out. Then another man in the church asked her out, and she accepted. When she shared the news with Tommy, he was devastated. He told her about his true feelings, and she was shocked. She was hurt that he didn't tell her sooner and expressed regret that he'd never asked her out. However, she refused to back out of the date with the other guy. It proved the end of their friendship, and Tommy retreated into frustration and despair.

You have to be honest about what you're doing. Don't kid yourself and don't lie to her. Be friends all you want, but if you want to date her, she needs to know and you need to ask her out.

Some people distinguish "dating" from "friendship" based on one thing: physical intimacy. More specifically, kissing. A man and a woman who are interested in each other remain "friends" by going out only on group dates and refraining from intimate contact of any description. Apparently, this means they aren't dating.

Whatever.

Friendship and dating are categorically different. Of course, you must be friends with the person you date, but there's much more to it. The emotional "heat" that occurs between people in a romantic relationship is both more exhilarating and more complicated than friendship. People have higher expectations for someone they're considering for marriage. Friendship cannot contain the emotions, intensity, and intimacy that dating does. If you and a woman are hot for each other, you aren't "just friends." I don't care if you go out on dates alone or with the whole church choir. It also doesn't matter if you wear a HAZMAT suit and stay ten feet away from her at all times. If romance is the goal of a man and woman's relationship, they are dating. Confuse it with friendship at your peril.

I'd love to hear other thoughts on this. It goes back to the basic theme of When Harry Met Sally. I believe that guys and girls can be friends. I have a lot of guy friends, ones that I would never think of in any other way but as a friend. But when a "guy friend" does things that start to blur that line, with or without the physical intimacy, it just creates a very confusing and frustrating situation. And I think I am getting to the point in my life where I don't want to deal with the confusion any longer. Either be my friend, or date me, but make it clear. Don't say one thing, then act another way. If that means I have to end a "friendship", I may just have to do that. It's not good on my emotional well-being to be jerked around all the time.

So the bottom line...can you just be friends with someone you are interested in dating?

life update 8.22

2008-08-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

I think I have used the work "suck" so much lately that it has begun to lose all meaning.

random question time

2008-08-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

1. Who do you blame for your mood today? stupid boys

2. Have you ever seen a dead body? Yeah. I covered a murder scene once of the paper, the guy had been shot in the head, and his brains were dripping everywhere. It was gross.

3. What should we do with stupid people? shoot them all. I can't handle stupid people.

4. How long do you think you will live? According to the Death Clock, I will die on July 8, 2030.

5. What was the first thing you did this morning? Hit the snooze button, then watched the news.

6. The color of carpet in your bedroom? A blue-ish/gray speckled thing.

7. Last person you went out to dinner with? Aaron and Bob

8. Are you spoiled? nope

9. Do you drink lots of water? in the summer I do, I dehydrate easy.

10. Is your best friend a virgin? I hope not, she's married!!

11. When was the last time you were at a party? Went to a barbeque a couple of weeks ago.

12. The last website you visited? Lucas Trimmer's blog.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Andrea Pembrook at camp!!

14. Last person you went to the movies with? I believe it was my sister.

15. What did you do/will you do for your birthday this year? I made dinner for the fam, then to Chili's to eat a boob sundae complements of Bob Reynolds.

16. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week? Go forward..this last week sucked!

17. Would you use your normal vocabulary if Jesus were standing beside you (in the flesh)? Of course...He hears what I'm saying all the time anyway, why change it?

18. Do you know where the red fern grows? yes I do.

19. What's the last cartoon you watched? Does Wall-E count?

20. If someone gave you spinners for your wheels, would you use them? no thanks, I'm not a gangster girl.

21. Do you like the shape of your fingernails? They are weird, they curl down, but I like it.

22. Pretend you're single, If you had to marry a famous musician, who would it be? Hmm....Bono. Seriously...the man's a stud.

23. What room/position are you usually in when you watch TV? Curled up in my big oversized chair in the living room.

24. Do you put salt on your watermelon? I put salt on everything. Seriously.

25. Do you get sick easily? Nope...I have a super-immunity thanks to years of daycare work!

26. Where was the biggest bruise you've ever had and how did you get it? Bruised legs after car accident

27. What do you eat on your hotdogs? ketchup

28. Are you good at hiding your feelings? yes, do it all the time

29. Can you braid hair? yes, do it all the time

30. Do you drink Red Bull or any other energy drink on a regular basis? never. that would kill me!! :)

31. How old will you be in seven months? still 32.

32. What is the relationship between you and the last person who called you? Jeanette...my friend.

33. Would you like to let go of the past? always

34. How many people have you kissed with a name that starts with a "J"? none

35. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? chocolate...regular is gross

36. What color are the pants your wearing? not wearing pants...wearing skirt!

37. Have you ever taken medications that were prescribed to someone else? yeah, but it was because I had run out of my own!

38. Do you have a dirty mind? yeah...makes me a good copy editor!

39. Are you usually the first to say sorry when you're in a fight, or the last? depends

40. Do you like the smell of gasoline? no...that would be weird.

giant pandas

2008-08-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

For those that know me well, you know I have a bit of an obsession with giant pandas. It began when I was a baby, when my dad used to called me 'Miranda Panda" because it rhymed and it made me laugh when he said it. Well, that got shortened to just Panda, or Panda girl, which I apparently used to my advantage as a preschooler. My mom has tons of stories of me wanting something, my dad saying no, then I would "cry" and look at him very mournfully and say, "But I'm your Panda girl", which always pushed him over the edge. Unfortunately for me, it's doesn't quite work anymore (trust me, I've tried).

This week is China week on the Travel Channel, in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. One of my dreams has always been to travel to China and see the giant pandas at the giant panda reserve.

Last night, Samantha Brown did a show on Sichuan province, where the Cohen Giant Panda Breeding Research Foundation is located in a village called Chengdu. It rocked. Come to find out, not only is it open to the public, but for an extra $200, you can get the "backstage" tour, where you actually get to see baby pandas in their incubators that have just been born and get to play with the cubs outside in the cub habitat. I could actually play with real live giant panda cubs. For just a bit more (like $125), you can even hold one to get your picture taken and cuddle and such.

Anyone want to go to China with me?

story in today's SJR

2008-07-31T08:24:00.001-07:00

http://www.sj-r.com/entertainment/x530892846/City-s-youthful-thespians-tune-up-for-Les-Miserables

the last lecture

2008-07-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnagie Mellon University, passed away this morning from pancreatic cancer. He's well known for an amazing speech he gave at the college, and has given other places, known as the Last Lecture. It's phenomenal. Check it out. (Warning: it's about an hour and a half long).

need harmony

2008-07-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

my match

2008-07-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

For my birthday last week, I received a subscription to Match.com, the dating website. Unlike e-harmony or any of those others, Match.com lets you put in what you are looking for, and then searches exactly within your parameters for matches. You can show interest by "winking" at a person, or just send them an email through their in-house message system (so personal information is not revealed).

I have been signed up for about 10 days now. Here are some things I have observed so far in my brief foray into the world of online dating:

1. Creepy, desperate, unattractive guys will descend on a new person like a duck on a June bug. In the few short days I have been on, I have been "winked" at by 30 different guys. Of the 30, I have already hit the "no thanks, not interested" button on all 30 of them. If Darwin was on Match.com, he'd have a field day with some of these people. It's really that scary.

2. What frustrates me the most is that they don't even seem to read the profile. I list that I am looking for someone is a specific age range, then get "winks" from guys who are definitely not in that age range. (Does the 52-year-old guy think..'well, she put a range that I am way too old for, and I'm scary looking, but maybe she'll overlook all that'?) Or they live in NYC. Or they don't fit another one of my parameters that are rather important to me, such as size, religion, etc.

3. I received an email the other day from someone. The misspellings in this were astronomical. To me, it's simple. You are trying to impress me. Why send an email full of misspelled words? One of my biggest pet peeves in life to begin with is people that can't spell. Sending me an email full of misspelled words is the quickest way for me to hit the "reject" button. (Charissa Holland, I expect you to back me up on this one!)

The most frustrating/perplexing/odd/fascinating thing about this whole experience so far is that when I joined, it was at the prompting of a friend, who urged me to do it to get my mind off of a stupid boy that had broke my heart. But, when I hit the "my matches" button, guess who was number five on the list? The boy. I didn't even know he had a profile on there. But there he was....and the computer matched us up. (See...Billy Idol even gets it...why can't he?)

So what does this all mean? I'm not quite sure yet. I guess we'll see what happens......

....to be continued.

for no one

2008-07-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

I hate* you.

I hate that you can make me feel this way.

I hate that you preoccupy my thoughts.

I hate that you either don't see or don't care how you affect me.

I hate that you act one way and later say something completely different.

I hate* you.

(*or is it love?)

turning 32

2008-07-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

My birthday is in 12 days. I'm going to be 32. For several reasons, this year I am not looking forward to it. Normally, I like birthdays. Not this year.

When I turned 30, I thought it was going to be hard, and it was a bit. But, I had a big "kid" party out at the park and invited all my kids, so it was good fun.

When I turned 31, I didn't even care. I left for Ireland the next day, and was so focused on the trip stuff that I didn't even have time to worry about turning 31.

But now, I'm 32. Nothing exciting is happening this year. I'm well established in my 30s now. But, what do I have to show for it? I graduated from college 10 years ago, and watched friends get married, have kids, etc., while I stayed single, with no hopes for getting married soon. Now, 10 years later....still watching friends get married, have kids, etc., and I'm still single with no hopes for getting married soon. While the idea of that didn't bother me when I was 22, at 32, it's much harder to handle. All I have found in the last 10 years is heartbreak and headaches, and the realization that everyone leaves me at some point because there's always someone that's "-er", i.e. smarter, prettier, taller, thinner, funnier, stronger, weaker, etc.

And quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it all. I'm tired of waiting for "life to begin". I'm tired of watching all of my friends do things that I long to do and haven't yet. I want to get married, have kids, have an "adult" life...not this one.

I am not looking forward to being 32. Who knew 32 would be the hardest one so far?

random questions

2008-06-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

1 - Let me guess.. you are bored right?
um... yeah.

2- What were you doing at 7:00 AM?
Watching Good Morning America and thinking how hot Chris Cuomo is.

3 - Kiss with your eyes open or closed? Depends

4 - If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a mistake what would u pick? $1 million. Then I can fix my mistakes!

5 - Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you talk to 24/7? Yeah...some of my best friends are guys

6 - Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? A few people, it would make my life much easier!

7 - Is there anything you are looking forward to within the next few days? CAMP ON SUNDAY!

8 - What were you doing 1 hour ago? Working on the Guidebook.

9 - Do you currently have feelings for someone? yes

10 - What was the last thing you said aloud? I coughed really hard..is that a word?

11 - How many different things did you drink today? Earl Grey (decaf), tomato juice, Sprite

12 - Are you ticklish? yes..not telling you where though. I'm not THAT stupid!

13 - Is success in your future? I hope so. But really, who says, "No, I'd like to be a failure!"?

14 - Are you a heavy sleeper? Very...I slept through my house burning down when I was little.

15 - Was today a good day? so far...

16 - Was last night a good night? I guess.

17- Does someone like you right now? yes ;)

18 - Where is the last place you went? Subway

19- Name something that made you frown today? My chest has been hurting today. Stress!

20 - Who is the last person you had a deep meaningful conversation with? Amanda Kurmann

21 - Can you keep a secret? sure

22 - Your favorite romantic movie? Gone With the Wind/Pride & Prejudice (BBC version w/Colin Firth)

23- Have you ever played naked twister? no...who really does that?

24 - Is there something you will never forget? Lots of things....like Dad's stories on the way home from Metropolis last weekend. I couldn't forget those if you paid me. You can't poke out the mind's eye!

26 - How is your hair? ok...needs the roots done, though

27- First thing you notice of the opposite sex? Physique - I like a guy who looks like he can kick someone's butt - I need the security!

28 - Who was the last person you took a picture with? Superman!!!

29 - What were you doing at midnight last night? Wondering why Philip was texting me about pasta at that time and why on earth he was awake then!

30 - Do you wish on 11:11? no

31 - What's on your mind? Camp stress!

32 - Which shoe do you put on first? left usually

33 - Favorite color(s)? green

34 - Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a C? Clayton Kurmann, Carter Formea, Connor Goebel.

35 - Last thing received in the mail? My order from Oriental Trading! Princess crowns!

36 - Do you have trust issues? Big time

37 - Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? not really

38 - Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Sure - I believe it was the aforementioned Clayton Kurmann

39 - Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad? yes

40 - Is it easier to forgive or forget? I have trouble with both

41 - Are you random? I like to think of it as quirky

42 - Do you laugh a lot? I try to!

43 - Are you happy with that? huh?

44 - Do you believe in love at first sight? yes

45 - Do you want kids? yes

46 - If someone liked you right now would you want them to tell you? yes!

47 - How do you feel about being the age you are? eh...my birthday is in a few weeks, ask me then

48 - Are you watching tv as you are doing this survey? nope

49 - Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? sure

50 - Do you believe you can change for someone? sure, if you really want to

51 - Something you dislike? incompetence

52 - Do you want to get married? yes

53 - Big or Small wedding? big

54 - What do you want to be in 15 years? dead - I plan on dying while still young and beautiful in some tragic way so I'll have a large turnout for my funeral (and maybe even get a Lifetime movie made about me)

55 - Do you get along with your parents? sometimes

56 - Brothers or sisters? sister - yes, brothers - Brad, yes, Sean, heck no

57 - Who is your hero? Charissa Holland (I couldn't resist it!)

58 - Do you have your own room? uh...yeah....I'm 31, if I don't by now, that's really sad

59 - What do you think about the current gas prices? They don't bother me. I paid $7/gallon while in England last summer. I can't complain about $4!

untitled

2008-05-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine; I'll tell mine you're gay
And by the way...
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn
- Taylor Swift

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead
- Miranda Lambert

dodging bullets

2008-05-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

So...Saturday night. I was driving home from the camp at about 11:30 p.m. on Chatham Road, near Amber Jacks, when someone shot at me. I have a bullet hole in the windshield of my car. Luckily, it hit the passenger side, so I wasn’t hurt. Scared the hell out of me, though. Anyway, I pulled over and called 911 immediately. Cops came and filled out a report, searched the area (of course they didn’t find anyone), and then let me go home. So, now just freaked out, and waiting to see if the cops find anyone, which in all likely-hood, they will not.

I took a quiz online a few years ago that told me that I have a high likelyhood of being murdered in my lifetime, for a number of factors. One, I have long hair, which is easy for someone to grab. But the biggest one is that I am a journalist, and therefore can supposedly have access to confidential or sensitive information. I can see that, if I was working on Watergate or something. But I do agriculture and arts/entertaiment. I highly doubt my last story on Arlo Guthrie is going to get me murdered. It might, but I'm doubtful.

So, right now I'm just trying to get my nerves calmed back down, and not be scared to drive down Chatham Road (which is where I also had my car accident in January).

And, I get to come up with $100 to get my windshield replaced...although, the bullet hole is pretty wicked looking, so maybe I'll just keep it for a while. Add those fake bullet hole stickers to the rest of the car and make a new game: "Find the Real Bullet Hole!"

let's get physical

2008-05-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

The other day, I had a conversation with a friend about the physical aspects of relationships. The physical aspect of relationships has always been something that’s been a little hard for me to deal with. (For those who know me well, know why. I’m not going to go into it all here.)

Showing affection in a physical way is a tricky thing. I have some friends that I can show affection to openly and without any reservations. And of course, there are the kids. As a preschool teacher, showing love and affection for the kids in my class was practically a job requirement. Showing affection to my kids is easy and natural. There’s nothing better than the bear hugs from Clayton or Punky kisses to make the day better.

Adults are different, especially if it’s a member of the opposite sex. I’m not one to initiate things. I am constantly tense if I am around someone that I would like to show affection to, but can’t. Showing affection can be a tricky thing. There’s always the fear of misreading intentions and signals, or outright rejection. For me, it’s always better if the other person initiates things. Then I will know that it’s safe to show affection back.

They say the human touch is a necessity of life, just as much as breathing, eating and sleeping. Studies have shown that monkeys that are deprived of touch and affection die. If I can’t breathe, I go outside to get more air; if I’m hungry, I eat something; if I am tired, I sleep. Why, then, is it so hard to give and receive the affection that I need to survive?

So let me know if you want me to show you some affection. As GI Joe says: “And knowing is half the battle.”

story in today's SJR

2008-05-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

http://www.sj-r.com/entertainment/x1946823027/Folk-hero

hate, love, apathy and One Tree Hill

2008-05-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was watching the newest episode of One Tree Hill. For those that don't watch the show, it centers around two half-brothers, Nathan and Lucas Scott, who grew up not knowing each other at all, and then was put on the same basketball team together. They hated each other at first, but as time went on, realized their bond as brothers was a good thing, and became the best of friends.

At the end of last season, the group graduated high school. Lucas declared his love for Peyton, whom he's had an on-again, off-again romance with. This season was different. It fast forwarded five years (the real age of the actors), and shows them dealing with their lives after high school, college, etc., and how they have all changed and grown up. One episode flashes back to when Lucas proposed to Peyton, but she turned him down, not because she didn't love him, but because she wasn't ready to get married. Fast forward to the present. Peyton is back in town, still in love with Lucas, when she finds out he has moved on and is dating a girl named Lindsey. Lucas asks Lindsey to marry him, and when Lindsey realizes (during the wedding) that Lucas still loves Peyton, she leaves him at the altar.

In tonight's episode, Lindsay calls Lucas to tell him that she's dating someone else. He gets really drunk at a bar, and Peyton finds him, half-passed out. She takes him home, and as she's getting ready to leave, he wakes up, looks at her and says "I wish you'd never come back here. I hate you. You have ruined my life."(And then goes back to sleep.)

They say that hate is one of the strongest words out there. We are taught to say that we "dislike" someone, or use some other word such as that. Hate has so many connotations to it; there's nothing more harsh than telling someone you hate them.

How many times have you wished that you could say that to someone? What is harder for me isn't the use of the word "hate", but the honesty and vulnerability that it takes to tell someone to their face that you hate them and that they've ruined your life.(Outside of screaming it at your parents when you are 14 and mad because they won't let you pierce a body part).

Most people believe that the opposite of hate is love. Love is an even harder word to say to someone; at least it is for me, unless the object of my love is someone under the age of 8. I have always had a hard time saying it, and an even harder time showing it. To have the nerve to tell someone that you love them is an incredible show of strength and vulnerability all at the same time. I wish I will have that nerve someday to tell him how much I love him.

Most people believe the opposite of hate is love; it's not. The opposite of hate is apathy. Apathy is much more hurtful, much more painful than hate. Hate means that you think about them enough to have an emotion; apathy means you don't care enough to even hate them. And that's the one that hurts the most for me. I can take hate, I would be happy to take love; but to think that someone doesn't care at all is incredibly painful.

So please, let me know you care...and dare I hope, love me?

random survey

2008-05-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

1. Would you kill your neighbor? I have a new neighbor that just moved in...so there's no emotional attachment there. But, it's better to hire out. I've watched enough CSI!

2. Whats one word that describes your last fight? draining

3. What were you doing ten minutes ago? working on next week's bulletins

4. What's the last movie you saw? Expelled: No Intellegence Allowed! It was fantastic!

5. What did your last text message say? Incoming: I'm watching North Country right now, it's about female miners in the early 90s. The hair and clothes make it awesome! ---Outgoing: So, I have a very serious question: Do you have an AmEx card and do you love me enough to let me borrow it on Monday?

6. Who have you talked to most today? Outside of work...Todd Goebel, Philip - way too early this morning.

7. Do you carve pumpkins every year? I love to carve pumpkins! And then roast the seeds...yummy!!

8. Color of your shirt? pink and white stripes

9. Who's on speed dial 2? Bob Norman, I believe

10. How are you feeling right now? tired...but happy! It's the weekend!

11. How many times have you moved? once, unless you count the temporary 3-month stay in town when our house burnt down when I was 5.

12. What is the last thing you touched? Other than the keyboard? My phone.

13. Have you ever been called a punk? No...but I love my Punky!!

14. Was yesterday better than today? Today has been the best day!!!

15. What is your ring tone? Depends on who calls. It's different for different people.

16. Do you have a favorite number? 4 (If you went to A-C Central in the early 90s, you know why!)

17. Do you hate anyone/anything? I hate incompetence. Oh, and being inside when it's 80 degrees out like it is right now!

18. Does your best friend have a myspace? sure

19. If you could meet anyone who would it be? Currently alive - my future husband! Dead -

20. Last time you went out to lunch? Sunday

21. Do you have any music you're ashamed of? Nope...I'll readily admit to all of it, including the New Kids on the Block and the Hannah Montana!

22. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight with a member of the opposite sex? nope. I'm 5-1 and weigh just over 100 pounds. Do you really think that would end well for me?

23. How old will you be in 2 years ? 34

24. Do you think you'll be married by then? Sure hope so!

25. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CD's? never. She's retarded.

26. What did you do last night? Worked on camp stuff.

27. Are you a Lost fanatic? never watched it.

28. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library? Several!

29. Do you ever sing in the shower? Always

30. Whats your favorite movie? Gone with the Wind, Pride and Prejudice (BBC version), Bridget Jones, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, anything from the 80s.

31. Do people ever spell your name wrong? Always

32. Do you believe everyone has a soulmate? yes.

33. Can you sing? according to some, yes.

34. When was the last time you cried? CMA awards.

35. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization? cleanliness, not really; organization, yes.

36. Have you ever been to South America or Africa? no

37. Do you know how to knit? no

38. Do you have a job? yes

39. Is there anything currently bothering you? tons of stuff

40. What are you doing right now besides this survey? at work

41. Do you know how to play poker? yes....but my rules are different than the real ones. Dad used to make up his own rules when we played when I was a kid.

42. Baskin Robins or Coldstone? ben and jerry's

43. Physics or chemistry? chemistry

44. Facebook or Myspace? facebook!

45. Do you wear any jewelry? when I remember it.

46. When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night? morning

47. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars? Star Wars!!! I hate Harry Potter.

48. Fly or road trip? road trip. flying scares me!

49. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman? Superman all the way!! I love Superman!!!

50. What's your favorite Disney movie? cartoon - beauty and the beast, pocahantas. live action - three musketeers

51. What are your plans for tonight? work on camp. play outside.

insecurities, and how to break up a footballer's wedding

2008-04-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

It's 8:20 on a Friday night, and my most exciting boy encounter this week has been with a 21-month old. (Boy, I love the Lucas kisses!)

I am a very insecure person about relationships. If I call you or text you or something, and don't hear back from you relatively soon, I don't think 'oh, person x is busy, or whatever.' My first thought is usually along the lines of 'what did I do wrong', 'are you upset with me', 'are you ignoring me for a reason', 'you no longer like me', etc., etc.

It's very hard for me to break out of that thought pattern. I don't want to be insecure about my relationships with other people. However, I don't do this with everybody. With some, if I don't hear back from them soon, I'm totally fine with it. I have some friends who this has become the norm....because of wacky work schedules, time zone differences, etc., there are times where a single conversation will stretch over days or weeks, with the exchange of text messages being very sporadic. With others, however, I love to talk to them on a regular, if not daily, basis, and when it doesn't happen, I start to worry about where I stand. I can't help it.

Confidence is something easily faked, but harder to actually come by. One thing that I have learned in life is that people always disappoint you, and they always leave you at some point. It's probably why I have such a hard time really getting close to someone. Everytime I open up and get close to someone, they end up hurting me and leaving. So, hence the insecurity at times.

In a totally unrelated side note: I must express my anger at Fox Soccer Channel. The biggest game of the season is tomorrow morning, and they are not showing the game!! It's the unofficial championship for the league title between Chelsea and Man Utd.

Related player news: Prayers go out to Frank Lampard, who's mother passed away Thursdsay and most likely will not be playing on Saturday. Also....my Joe Cole is engaged....but the wedding isn't happening until summer of 2009....so I need ideas on how to get him to notice me and want to marry me instead. I have just over a year to figure this one out! I'd prefer he notice me without a restraining order being involved, by the way.

a vicious cycle

2008-04-16T14:13:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been a whole month since I've posted last. Let's see, what`s happened in the last month:

I've been really busy at work, between Holy Week and the kick-off of the new capital appeals campaign. It's starting to slow down a bit, finally...I hope so, at least.
Kids have been good. Clayton turned 4 in March. Scott turned 3 on April 1. (My April Fool's baby!) I think they both liked the card that played music more than the actual gift. It totally cracked me up! Shopping for Nathan and Barrett's birthdays in May will be a breeze...just hit the musical card aisle at Hallmark!
I have decided to get a dog. I found one that I really liked, but he weighed too much (my apartment has a weight restriction - I can only have dogs that weigh 20 pounds or less). I finally found another one I liked, at Sangamon County Animal Control, but when I got him home, it wasn`t a good fit. He was way too active and hyper to be living in an apartment. He was the coolest dog, but he needed to have a home with a big backyard he could run in all day. I had to take him back. (And, you still are not going to make me feel guilty about this! You know who you are!) So, the search continues.
I have to get a new phone. My current phone has been locking up, the screen freezes, it shuts down, etc. I've been having major problems. So, today I ordered a new one. It should be here tomorrow!
Season 2 of the Tudors finally has begun. I`m in history (and Jonathan Rhys Meyers) heaven.
Chelsea FC have only four games left in the season, and trail Man Utd by 5 points. But, one of the games left is against Man Utd, so there's still a chance they will win it all! GO BLUES!
Working on camp stuff a ton. I can't believe it's only 2 months away now!!

In keeping with my last post, here are my thoughts on the 30-year-old virgin's blog. This section of one particular post really struck me: One day I'll decide: that's it, if I ever want to be in a relationship, I'm going to have to make the effort. And then I will (in what pathetic ways I can think of). Then, after a few days/weeks/months/minutes of effort, I re-re-re-realize that I'm incapable of anything approaching a normal human relationship. Then I give up and decide that I'd better get used to being alone because I am and always will be. After an equally random period of those efforts, I decide that if I ever want to be in a relationship, I'm going to have to make the effort. And the cycle repeats itself.

I love this paragraph. This cycle is totally something that I can relate to. There have been many times that I have felt the same way: I decide that if I don't want to die alone, I have to make an effort. But, every time I try to make an effort, it always ends badly. So I stop trying, and the cycle continues.

Right now, there is someone that I "like" (to use a phrase from high school). But, I am scared to show that, because I've always gotten burned in the past when I do. So, I will most likely do nothing, wait patiently for the guy to do something, nothing will happen, and life will go on just like it always does, with me ending up alone once again. It's a vicious cycle, much like the cycle of depression I fight: I can take medication for it, which makes me feel better; then after a while, I begin to think that I don't need the medication, because I am feeling so great, so I stop taking it; then I fall back into a depression, and logically I know that I need to take the medicine for it, but the depression makes me not care to the point where I don't care if I take it or not. Hence, the vicious cycle continues.

Cycles are a hard thing to break. I so want to break the relationship cycle that I am in. There are times where I really want to just do it, but fear and self-doubt always stop me. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell him..................maybe.

thoughts on being a spinster

2008-03-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

The other day, I ran across a blog written by a 30-something woman in Toronto, Canada. She has several blogs; one on life in general, others more pointed in their subject matter. One that I began to read with great interest was titled “The 30-year-old Virgin”. Apparently, this woman was in her early 30s and had made a decision not to have sex until marriage. She has several posts that make you think about things. For the next few blogs, I think I’m going to expand on some of her posts with my own thoughts.

You can read the entire post here: http://monstersarcasmrally.typepad.com/30yearoldvirgin/2005/10/rambling_on_a_s.html

Here’s an excerpt:
The Church has this way of dealing with sexuality that produces masses of incredibly messed up people.

I can't speak to what it's like for men, but for women... Ha! As far as unmarried women are concerned, sex does not exist. It is not discussed.

We're supposed to be entirely ignorant of both sex and sexuality. Once a woman gets married, she's supposed to flip a switch inside her head or something. Suddenly, sex is normal and healthy. She's supposed to develop a sex drive overnight. Not to mention a healthy attitude towards sex and about sex and an understanding of how it all works.

The Church's attitude seems to be one of ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away.

I don't believe in premarital sex. But that doesn't mean I'm not a sexual person.

When I was 15, I didn't even know what a sex drive was.

When I was 20, I thought it was easy. Wait 'til marriage? Sure. No worries. And if I don't get married? Bah, it's fine. I can deal with it.

At 25, I was getting a bit concerned. Not so much about the sex part, although I was beginning to understand that I did have a sex drive, but about the lonely factor. I began to understand that I didn't really want to be alone forever.

Now I'm 32. The hormones have kicked in. My beliefs haven't changed, but I have. It's become obvious that nobody's going to marry me. And I'm frustrated. Have I mentioned that? I'm I-might-gnaw-my-own-arm-off-soon frustrated.

I love her timeline here. As someone who is approaching 32, I can completely relate to and agree to what she is saying here.

Sometimes it seems like I am never going to get married. So what does that mean? Do I give up my beliefs so I can have an experience that 99.5% of people experience before they die, or do I stick to my beliefs and potentially never have that experience?

I agree with her assessment of life at 32: Now I'm 32. The hormones have kicked in. My beliefs haven't changed, but I have. It's become obvious that nobody's going to marry me. And I'm frustrated. Have I mentioned that? I'm I-might-gnaw-my-own-arm-off-soon frustrated.
I am feeling the same frustration. Is it ever going to get better? I don’t know. But I hope so. I am really close to the gnawing-off-my-own-arm thing too.

In the bigger picture, however, I really like her assessment of the church. I remember having the “true love waits” talks while in high school, but after that, it is rarely talked about. And when it is, it is always in the context that is meant for married couples.

I like my church. But, it really lacks much for those that are single and post-college. Sure, the young adult group is there, but seriously, I’m 31. Most of the kids in the “young adult group” are kids that I have had as campers or youth group members at some point, and it’s weird being in a group with people you had as middler campers when they were 8. But, there isn’t really anything else. Outside of my circle of friends there, everyone my age is married, and most of them have kids. So, finding a group within my church is hard to do.

Once, I had someone who tried to lump me into her “older and never been married” group, and I almost hit her right there in a restaurant. This lady was about 47 years old. I pointed out to her that I was only 31, which in this day and age is still an age where, while I am feeling like it’s never going to happen, logically I know that I am still at an age where women get married all the time. At 47, this woman is not. I am still young enough to get married, have kids, all that fun stuff. This woman is technically old enough to be my mother. And it really irritated me that she tried to lump me into her group. I like to hope that I am not there yet, that there’s still hope for me.

Is there any hope for me? Or am I destined to be a 47-year-old, never been married, spinster virgin?

leap day traditions

2008-02-29T13:25:00.000-08:00

Today is Leap Day. According to Irish tradition, it is the only day that it is permissible for a woman to ask a man to marry her. According to legend, Brigid of Kildare complained to St. Patrick in the 5th Century that it was unfair to make a woman wait for a proposal, and asked that a woman should be allowed to do so. He agreed to allow it once every 7 years, but she talked him down to once every four years, on Leap Day.

In 1288, Queen Margaret of Scotland made it against the law for a man to refuse a woman's proposal. If he did, a heavy fine of either a kiss, a pound (which was a lot of money back then) or a silk gown was to be paid to the woman.

Let's see...I'm Irish. And I can only do this once every four years. If I don't act today, I'll have to wait until 2012...by then, I'll be 35! HOLY CRAP! Is that right?!? Who's going to say yes to a 35-year-old?

So, I guess I have to act today. Who should I ask?? I had contemplated flying to London and hunting down Orlando Bloom. Stateside, perhaps the state treasurer, Alexi G. (He's rather good-looking). Any others???

Better yet, maybe I'll just ask someone out on a date. Baby steps. Hmmm.....the mind is working now......

If you could ask anyone in the world, with a guaranteed yes, who would it be? Anyone.......

remember me

2008-02-29T06:47:00.000-08:00

I just finished the new book by Sophia Kinsella, Remember Me? I love Sophia Kinsella. She’s a British author that has a fantastic writing style. I really enjoy her stuff. It’s not the most intellectually in-depth, Proust/Tolstoy/Faulkner/Hemmingway - like stuff, but I really like it.

Her latest is about a girl named Lexi. The year is 2004, and Lexi is your average 25-year-old “normal” girl. She has mousy brown, frizzy hair, bad teeth, a crappy dead-end job, and is a bit overweight. She is out with some friends, and in her attempt to hail a taxi, she slips and falls, hitting her head on the sidewalk. When she wakes up, she is in a hospital, and is shocked to discover that it is 2007. But, in a small twist, she hasn’t been in a coma this entire time. Rather, she is surprised to learn that she was in the hospital after being in a car accident five days earlier.

As she then learns, she is skinny, has fantastic hair, perfect teeth, a top executive job in the company she was working for, oh, and the perfect, drop-dead gorgeous husband, who is a bazillionare. She is diagnosed with focused amnesia…in other words, the last 3 years of her life are completely wiped out, including the personality that she has become. The rest of the novel follows her as she tries to discover who she is now, and all of the discoveries that are involved with that.

I can’t imagine losing a large chunk of time in that manner. I know I don’t remember most of my childhood, but that’s different. I didn’t just wake up and have the last three years of my life gone. I do have a friend that has three days missing from his life, when he was overseas in Vietnam during the war. It’s crazy.

I am impatient with things in life sometimes though. I have often thought that there are things that I would like to do/change, but I don’t have the patience to wait for them to happen. I’d love to get my teeth fixed, but I don’t want to wear braces for several years. I want to be skinner, but I don’t have the patience for long-term dieting. I would like to learn a musical instrument, or another language, but yet, I want to be good now, not 3 years from now. How nice it would be to just wake up and it be three years later…skinner, tanner, perfect teeth, married, etc.

But, as Lexi discovered, it’s not always about the destination…it is sometimes about the journey. I would miss a lot of things in those three years….Clayton, Nathan and Scott all starting kindergarten, for example. Numerous big moments in the kids’ lives. While it would be nice to wake up and be married, I would miss not having a wedding day, or an engagement, or even dating.

If you could skip three years, would you? What would you miss if you did? The more I think about, the more back and forth I go on the idea. I see the good parts and the bad parts. If I could skip ahead for some things, and stay in the present for others, but I guess that’s not really an option. Jury’s still out.

the perfect guy

2008-02-26T22:52:00.000-08:00

A while ago, a friend asked me what I was looking for in a guy. I think it’s hard to pin down a specific list of attributes. I guess a list could look like this: tall, dark, handsome, age 30, responds to the name Orlando Bloom, looks great in elf ears and pirate gear…….

Seriously though, I don’t know how to describe it. I guess it would almost be easier to list the things that I would like to think that my ideal mate would do/say/act, but with the caveat that this entire list could be thrown out the window at any time…especially if it meant marrying Orlando Bloom.

1. I like guys that are true gentleman. I don’t believe that chivalry is dead. No matter what a woman says about being equal…the man should open the door, hang the shelves, and kill the bugs. Especially the killing of bugs. I didn’t bathe for three days once because a spider had taken up residence in my shower.

2. I like guys that are a little “bad”. I’m a “good” girl, and I like “good” boys. But I also have a bit of a “naughty” streak to me, and I like guys that can appreciate that for what it is. I like watching the occasional British TV show that isn’t exactly the most wholesome, or blare death metal from the 1980s when I’m in a bad mood. I worked in an all-male sports department for several years…I’ve heard all the dirty jokes there are, and then some. I am innocent and naïve in a lot of ways, and yet, it takes a lot to shock me. I like a guy that can be a bit wicked sometimes behind closed doors….it makes him human as well.

3. I like guys that pay attention to the little things. Not to sound cliché...but leave me a note on my desk, or shoot me an email/text message just because. Don’t disappear for a week or so. Put a daisy on my desk at work when you know I’m about to have a long/hard day. Put your arm around me in the movie theater, or hold my hand. Simple things can say a lot.

Most of all, though, I just want someone who loves me. That’s really all it boils down to. Someone who just wants to be with me. In the end, that’s all I really need.

And if he answered to the name Orlando Bloom or Joe Cole, that would be alright, too.

survey time

2008-02-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

1. Who makes you smile the most? The kids

2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? Trying to hurry and get ready for work because I woke up late, while watching the news

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? putting Janie to bed

4. What did you do last night? Watched Survivor (go Ozzy!), talked online to someone, watched it snow

5. What are you hearing right now? Nothing...house is really quite

6. One word to explain why you last threw up? Sick Wednesday, ate something bad the night before

7. Are you mad at anyone right now? Kinda sorta...more hurt and disappointed

8. Who gives the best advice? Amanda Kurmann

9. What are you wearing? Ralph Lauren sweater, RL jeans

10. What are you craving right now? chips and salsa

11. Reason you last cried? um....a boy did something that hurt me.....

12. Who was your last text from? Ashley Harris

13. What do you not want to happen? The inevitable future that I will die alone, only to be found 3 week later, half eaten by wild dogs. (extra friendship points if you know the reference)

14. Are you punctual? Usually try to be. I hate being late.

15. Last time you laughed at something stupid? just a bit ago...watching Dora and Doodlebops with Janie..they are so ridiculous

16. Last thing you drank? Earl Grey tea

17. Last person you talked too? adult - Jeanette & Sean....kids - Janie and Cecilia

18. Worst thing about winter? The cold. I would love the snow if it was warm.

19. What are you doing this weekend? Oscar party Sunday! Going out with someone Saturday night.

20. Current mood? depressed/melancholy

21. Do you talk a lot? sometimes, depends on who I'm with

22. How do you relax? watch TV or go to a movie. Escapism at its best.

23. Can you use chopsticks? pretty well, thanks to a summer with Eric G. while we were interning at the paper in college. After every story we covered....Chinese food.....nothing like learning how to use chopsticks from an Armenian kid.

24. Do you know anyone named Kelsey? yes

25. Do you like coffee? yes....but for some reason, the Starbucks on Monroe makes me sick. Starbucks in St. Louis is ok. Weird, huh?

26. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? a couple

27. How much cash do you have right now in your wallet? only like $5...I don't usually carry cash.

28. Number of pillows? I sleep with 3, including one that I have had since I was 8 and has fallen apart and been re-cased numerous times.

29. Worst enemy? plead the 5th...probably shouldn't list them here.

30. Are you a jealous person? Sometimes.....I can be.

31.Does anyone hate you? I'm a Baptist hussy.......;)

32. What time did you wake up this morning? 4:30...6:30...7:00....

33. Do you like a man in uniform? Only Navy guys named Joe.....;)

35. Where did you go today? Work, store, Jeanette's.

36. What would you do with $50,000? pay off bills...buy a Mini-Cooper....go to Ireland again

37. Any plans for tomorrow? cleaning house. going out with someone tom. night.

38. What do you smell like? Burberry Brit.

39. Would you kiss the last person you kissed? absolutely... I believe it was Clayton

40. Ever been to California? nope

41. Ever asked for a pony? always...and still asking for one!

42. What does your second text in your inbox say? Sweet! (from Harris)

43. Are you good at keeping secrets? usually.....

44. What does your last outgoing text say? That sucks

45. Are you a heavy sleeper? very...I have slept through fire alarms (sorry Kristin!), fires, tornado sirens, you name it. When I'm out....an atomic bomb could go off I wouldn't wake up.

46. How do you feel about Valentine's Day? see previous post on V-Day

47. Do you like Chinese food? Love the Panda Express!!!

48. Do you prefer salty, sweet, or spicy foods? Salty.....I know, you're shocked.

49. Who was the last person to call you? my sister

50. Favorite song(s) : right now....Taylor Swift's Just Another Picture to Burn, Gary Allan's Airplanes, and How Does He Know from the movie Enchanted

51. Ever done something you are not proud of? sure, who hasn't?

52. Ever stole someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend? nope....

53. Traveling anywhere soon? Hopefully to Chicago for the St. Patrick's Day Parade!!

return to the sj-r

2008-02-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

The freeze at the SJR has been lifted!! I am writing again!! Check out my story in today's paper at: http://www.sj-r.com/Entertainment/stories/25605.asp

Valentine's Day

2008-02-19T16:06:00.000-08:00

So, last week was St. Valentine's Day. Now, I know the real reason behind Valentine's Day. It's a day to honor St. Valentine. This, I know. I'm very well aquainted with the story of St. Valentine. In fact, while in Dublin, I visited his grave/shrine at Whitefriar Church. It was all very nice.

However, I do NOT like the holiday that it has become. There is so much pressure put on V-Day that by the end of the day, there is nothing left but feeling hurt, disappointed, angry and lonely. I have never had a good V-Day experience.

This past week was no exeception. All the little happy couples everywhere, getting flowers and balloons and such. It's enough to make a single girl want to slit her own wrists.

What has happened to a day to honor a martyr of the Church? Commercialism has run rampant and taken over. Next year, why can't we honor St. Valentine, and not Hallmark, Hersheys and FTD?

There's a British website that allows you to send anti-valentines. My favorites: "Happy Thursday. I don't need a specific day to tell you how I feel", "Nothing says I love you like fat-saturated sugar blocks and slutty lingerie", and my all time fav: "I want to give you this. Please don't puke (next to a picture of the human heart, ventricles and veins and all)".

Chalk it up to a single girl who is bitter.....but I doubt this is what St. Valentine really wanted his legacy to become.

The Lenten Season

2008-02-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

The Lenten season has begun. Well, it actually began about a week ago, but it's been so busy, I haven't have had a chance to write about it yet.

As a Baptist, I really don't celebrate Lent. However, I now work in a Lutheran church, and the Lutherans do celebrate it.

There's a lot of things about Lent that I don't get. I understand the basic concept, and the traditions and such, but it's not really a Biblical thing. The Early Church didn't celebrate it. According to Wikipedia, it is not even mentioned in Christian history until the Council of Nicea in 325 A.D.

One of the reasons Baptists don't celebrate it, I understand, was because of the idea that it was "too Catholic". I agree with that in theory. There are a lot of things that the Catholic Church, and most liturgical churches in general, do that aren't really Biblically based; they are more traditions, or dogmatic practices, than dictated by Scripture.

As a Baptist, I take part in the practices that were charged to us by Jesus: The Lord's Supper, a believer's baptism, and evangelism (outlined in the Great Commission). Did Jesus fast for 40 days? Yes. But he didn't say that I had to do that as any requirement.

The last few years, I have tried to give something during Lent, just to see if I could. They say that if you can stop doing something or start doing something for 40 days, that you will have broken/created a habit.

This year for Lent, I have given up fast foods/convienence foods. I have found myself falling into the rut of "running through a drive thru" or grabbing a premade dinner from the grocery store. So, that's my standard. Nothing premade, pre-frozen, etc. Only freshly made, or homemade items. This has already become a challenge. For example, it rules out most restaurants, but not all.....some places, like Monty's, makes their own bread and soups and such fresh everyday. The standard is whether or not it's fresh/home made quality, or basically, if I could have just as easily made this at home myself. We'll see how this goes.

crazy weather

2008-02-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

The weather here has been really crazy the last few days. Thursday, it was supposed to begin snowing in late afternoon, around 3 p.m. It started at noon, and by 3 p.m, there were already several inches on the ground. By the time I woke up Friday morning, there were 12 inches of snow outside. After the snow removal people contracted by my landlord came and removed the snow in the parking lot at noon, I cleaned off the several inches still on top of my car. I didn’t have a shovel to dig the car out, as there was still snow around the car, but a friend of mine who came over dug it out for me (thanks Philip!).

Saturday was fine….Sunday, the temperature started rising, and the snow started melting. Huge puddles everywhere. Then, Sunday night, came the freezing rain. When it stopped, I ventured out for a few minutes, and the snow had melted to the point of causing deep puddles everywhere. Monday and Tuesday, storms. Thunder, lightening, heavy rains, the whole shebang. The extra rain then added to the water already on the ground, and flooding ensued. But, Wednesday and Thursday, the snow started again. It didn’t stick, but it equaled a couple of inches.

Now, it’s supposed to keep snowing all weekend off and on, mixed with rain. According to the news this evening, we’re already four inches ahead of where we normally are this time of year as far as precipitation. In addition to the snow/rain mix, it’s also supposed to get butt cold this weekend as well. (yes, butt cold is the proper meteorological term.) It’s cold, but it hasn’t been raining or snowing yet, so I’m hoping that that part of the forecast has been cancelled.

It very well could be the end of the world. It’s been very Day After Tomorrow out there lately.

the local media

2008-02-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Ok. As a member of the media, I have to make an observation about our local media here in Springfield.

Last night, I was watching the nightly news on ABC with Charles Gibson. I like Charles Gibson. He’s a very good journalist. There were only a few stories on the half-hour news program. The first half of the news was taken up with stories about the multiple tornadoes in the South that has caused major destruction and a death toll of 57. Other stories included the fallout of the Super Tuesday results, the results of Heath Ledger’s toxicology tests, and a few others.

All of this death and destruction in the world. People have lost their homes, their friends, their lives. The future of the nation is at stake. Pretty heavy stuff for a half-hour news program.

Then came the 6:00 news from our local Newschannel 20. Their top story of the day? POTHOLES!!! That’s right. Where the potholes are in town, how they are formed, and when the city is planning on filling them. Let me tell ya, it was riveting. (Yes, that last sentence is heavy in sarcasm.) I screamed at the television things that can’t be printed here.

It’s not like there wasn’t other news going on in Springfield yesterday. The State Journal-Register had a list of breaking news that would have been better choices than potholes for a lead story. (Props to the SJR for NOT having a story on POTHOLES on the front page of the paper!!!) I felt embarrassed for Elizabeth Wooley for having to report that as the top story. And for Catie Sheehan for being outside for the live report.

What has happened to our local media?

Another Survey

2008-01-31T22:54:00.000-08:00

Found this survey online….something to do while it’s a blizzard outside!!

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
Probably looking into someone eyes when I am telling them how I feel. I am always too chicken to see the reaction. Probably why I don’t tell people my feelings often.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. Why were you angry?
I don’t remember the last time I was really angry. I am usually hurt, or frustrated, or annoyed, but not truly angry often.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?
My dad. My sister and I usually call him with any news, and let him tell my mom. It’s better that way, trust me.

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. (1) Who do you tell? (2) What do you do with your remaining days? (3) Would you be afraid?
1) everyone…..that’s not something you should hide.
2) spend as much time with the kids, friends and such…..I really don’t have those “I want to sky-dive or bungee jump” desires. And I’ve done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to, such as go to Ireland.
3) scared to die, but not of death…death means heaven…and why be scared of that?

5. You can have one of the following two things- trust/love. Which do you choose?
Trust. I have real problems with trusting people. I’m used to living without love.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. Do you save the dog?
Nope…not because I don’t care about the dog, but I can’t swim…..I would be of no help there.

7. You have done something impulsive that could possibly cost you the love of someone very close to you. Which is the greater loss - losing them by being honest or losing them behind a lie?
Losing them by being honest. Many people lie and get away with it. If someone is honest with you, regardless of what it is, you should at least reward them for the honesty. It’s a rare thing these days.

8. If you could go back and be with your first love, would you?
Haven’t really had that “first love” yet!

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
Definitely….the last person I know that died was my friend Bob’s dad. He died suddenly. I would give a decade to let Bob have another hour with his dad.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
I hope so!

11. You are out on the town and see your married best friend's spouse locking lips with someone other than your best friend. Would you approach them? Would you tell your friend? What would you say to each?
I’m a reporter…there’s no way I could keep something like that to myself! I’d take a picture first though….as we say in the journalism world, if your mom says she loves you, make sure you have another source to corroborate it!

12. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?
Probably not. I have been the newest employee let go because of budget reasons. I have bills to pay too.

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you feel?
I don’t really remember. It’s hard for me to tell people how I really feel….it never turns out like I hope and I always get hurt in the end. Maybe if I had some kind of sign that I wouldn’t get hurt this time……

14. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or tell them you hate them?
Telling someone that I love them. I can tell my kids I love them anytime…but for adults, it’s harder. The kids always love me back unconditionally. Not always the case with adults.

15. What do you think would be/is the hardest thing for you to give up?
The kids.

16. When was the last time you told someone you love them?
I tell the kids all the time. Adults….hmm…..friends….most of the time. “more than friends”……haven’t yet. Still trying to get the nerve to let someone know that I like them. Like..not love. Not ready to use that word yet.

17. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
My hair during high school. Yes, it was during the time of the big bangs and lots of curls of the early 90s.

18. Imagine, It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside. What are you doing?
Writing. Read my latest poetic endeavor…that was written on a dark, rainy night. Or, watching tv or a movie. I like film.

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
I’d like to think I would.

20. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
Same thing I do every night. Try to take over the world – Pinky.

A Godly Woman

2008-01-31T22:51:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, there was a story in the State Journal-Register's religion section on a new book, co-authored by a woman from Peoria. You can read the full article here; the gist of the book, however, is about housewives that are "Desperate for God". The authors are trying to dispell the image of housewives put forth by shows such as Desperate Housewives; rather, they are promoting the image of a biblical woman and what she should look like instead.

Not surprising to me, the women that co-authored this book are both stay-at-home moms. They have at least 8 children apiece, all of which are home-schooled. However, they go so far as to say that women, especially single women, should stay in the home. Single women should pretty much live at home with their parents until they are married, and they shouldn’t be working outside of the house.

Also not surprising, they used many of the Scripture references that are often used in instances like this; ones that say that women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands, the husband is the head of the household, etc.

I get so tired of the idea that women are supposed to be at home, taking care of the husband and children, and that’s their only roles in life. I feel sorry for those women who have no identity of their own outside of being a wife and mother. When working at the daycare, it was clear which moms had their own identities and which moms had lost themselves. The simple litmus test was when the parents buzzed in to the center. Some parents, like my friend Julie, would simply say “It’s Julie” when we answered the door. Others would always respond “It’s Foster’s mom”. That right there was a clear indication on how they saw themselves.

When I get married, and yes, that’s a when – I’m in an optimistic mood tonight, I do want to be a good, Godly wife. However, I don’t believe that that means blindly submitting to my husband. That verse was written in a different time period, when women were treated like property, not wives. I also believe that it has been twisted over the years, giving men who were abusive a “biblical” reason to be so.

I don’t see why I can’t be a good, Godly wife who works as well. Why does it have to be so black and white? I know many women who work outside of the home, and I don’t think that they are bad parents or wives because of it. Just the opposite, in fact; it makes them better.

I always say that my ideal job is to be a “housewife”. But not like the women that authored the book. I would love to be a housewife in the vein of Emily Gilmore, of the TV show The Gilmore Girls. She graduated from college with a degree, then got married and became a housewife instead. However, her days are fuller than any “working” person out there. She is constantly giving of her time and money, volunteering in many charitable organizations and chairing fundraising drives galore. If I were to get married to someone who made it possible for me not to have to work, where I could just use my time and talents to work for God’s kingdom, how much more would I be able to do?? I am constantly wishing that I had more time for things. Camp takes up much of my time as it is, but I would love to be able to do more at the camp than I already do. The fundraising events I could work on, the charitable organizations I could support with my time and talents, the work of the church, inside the local church walls and outside, that I could support…..to think of being able to work because I wanted to, not because I needed to for a paycheck!!!

As a single woman right now, however, I am horrified at the idea that I should be sitting at home, basically waiting to start my life until I get married. Why should I not work, buy a house, go on vacation, and basically live my life, just because I am not married?? That’s ridiculous!!! Living on my own hasn’t made me a more ungodly woman. I also ask the question: What if I am never married? What if that’s the path that God has intended for me? Am I supposed to live at home until my parents die? Then what?? Move in with other family?

Any other thoughts on this??

Survey says.......

2008-01-28T10:24:00.000-08:00

1. If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
I only get to pick one?

2. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Ralph Lauren

3. Do you still have clothes that belong to your ex?
no

4. Do you get attached to people easily?
sometimes.

5. Have you ever been to California?
no

6. Do you go to church?
I work in one.

7. Do you like roller coasters?
Scared to death of them. I rode the Screaming Eagle once and cried the whole time.

8. What's your favorite TV show?
Friends. Coupling. The Office (the original British version).

9. Where were you 2 days ago?
BRU, St. John's Emergency Room (for head), St. John's Lutheran Church (work), Perkins

10. Have you ever seen the GOONIES?
A bazillion times. If you haven't seen it, you're not American!

11. How many bones have you broken?
2 - wrist and toe.

12. Do you have any pets?
not any more...my doggy died when I was in college.

13. Do you curse a lot?
Only when I get really angry. The cowgirl comes out then.

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
hit the snooze bar, and watch the news before I get out of bed

15. What's your favorite season?
Summer, Spring and Autumn.

16. Have you been on a date in the last 2 weeks?
Depends on your defination of a "date". Apparently, different people have different definations.

17. Are chuck norris jokes funny?
Hysterical. Especially in a room full of drunk Episcopalians, right, Bob?

18. What's your favorite food?
Buffalo Chicken, in any form. Shepherd's Pie. Irish rashers.

19. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
Atonement (amazing!!), August Rush, Enchanted, Sweeney Todd (phenomenal!!!)

20. Can you live without the computer?
as long as I have my Palm, I'm good.

21. Do you hide your emotions?
always.

22. What is your favorite movie?
Gone With the Wind. Pride and Prejudice (BBC version). Breakfast Club. Sixteen Candles.

23. Do you like chick flicks?
usually

24.When was the last time you got flowers?
umm...I think it was on my 30th birthday.

25. Who was the last person you were in a moving vehicle with?
the family

26. Best kind of pizza?
Buffalo chicken.

27. Would you take care of your friends while they're sick?
of course

28. What was the last CD you purchased?
Physical cd? I believe it was Nirvana's Greatest Hits, the Enchanted Soundtrack, and the new David Crowder Band.

31. What is a band/singer you will always love?
New Kids on the Block, David Crowder, Chris Tomlin, Chris LeDoux, Rich Mullins

32. Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
I've never been drunk....so that would be no.

33. Do you wish at 11:11?
no

34. Do you have any piercings?
not anymore. My ears ripped out during my sophomore year of high school while I was in the Miss Teen of Illinois pageant.

35. Last person you hugged?
church Sunday: Kara.......love you Kara!!, Ernie, Clark, Sue.

36. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
the boat dock at LSBC

37. What are you wearing on your feet?
black leather boots

38. Who was the last person you laid in bed with?
Three year old Clayton - he doesn't like to go to sleep sometimes, so Randa has "to go to sleep" with him.

39. What is your natural hair color?
no clue. I was born blonde, I shall die blonde, and shall forever more be blonde.

40. How many people have you texted today?
just Philip...today is his birthday, so I sent him a happy birthday text at 6:30 a.m.

41. Who was your last comment from?
on facebook...Joe Goldsberry...informing me that I must come to Italy to visit him.

42. What is your current conversation about?
no conversation right now.

43. Do you have a crush on someone?'
celebrity: Orlando Bloom, Colin Firth, Ben Miles, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Joe Cole (Chelsea FC)
non-celebrity: just one.............

Return of a Poet

2008-01-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

I have returned to writing poetry. Here is the latest.

For Him

I.
Night is falling
And I’m all alone again
My heart cries out for you
Why did you vanish?

How much more of this can I take?
This up and down, hot and cold
Is tearing me apart inside
Do you even comprehend?

Your behavior is a conundrum to me
I don’t understand the things you do
The things you say, the things you don’t
Why is it that you communicate in riddles?

II.
Tonight I watch as the rains deluge
The winds howl, the thunder rages
But it is not as tumultuous as my soul
What can I do to calm the storm inside?

Your words are like raindrops on the desert cactus
I soak them up and hold them close inside of me
This silence is a drought for my heart
How much longer will this drought continue?

Once I played in the rain, in the storm
I long for a perfect rain storm outside
To calm the storm that rages inside
How do I make the rains come again?

III.

Sometimes I think that I don’t even know you
Yet at other times I feel closer to you than anyone
The paradoxical aspects of you confuse me
Will I ever get to see the real you?

I need a sign to show me the path to take
Because I can’t travel down this road I’m on any longer
This road of heartache and hurt, ecstasy and hope
Can you pick the road we’re supposed to be on?

I can’t come to grips with the hurt anymore
Albeit unintentional, you don’t know what you’ve done
So tonight I implore with you with all of my heart
Please bring to an end the hurt, and just simply love me?

For J.R.

2008-01-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

For J.R. I still miss you, my friend.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair, you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Hurt

2008-01-06T08:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know which hurts worse right now: my knee, my head, my neck or my heart.

Please, God, take this pain away. I'm giving it all up to You. Heal my head, my knee, my neck, and most of all, heal my heart. It can't take much more of this. Help me. Please. I'm crying out to You with everything I have left in me. Take it all away.

About Last Night

2008-01-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was in a car accident. I was sitting on the corner of Fayette and Chatham, waiting to turn onto Fayette when this kid in a white car rear-ended me. I looked up in the rearview mirror, saw him approaching and actually thought, wow, it doesn’t look like he is slowing down, and as soon as the thought happened, I was hit at full speed. The kid didn’t even attempt to slow down.

I hit my head on the steering wheel, and my right knee on the dashboard, which than began to bleed. Police were called, and representatives from Springfield PD, Jerome and Leland Grove all showed up, and spent the first five minutes discussing whose jurisdiction the accident happened in. When it was decided that it was Springfield PD, I then sat in my car, bleeding, for what seemed like an eternity for them to fill out the paperwork before I could leave to go to the ER.

After I was free to go, my sister drove me to St. John’s ER, where I was x-rayed, examined, and told that I have whiplash, a head injury and a damaged knee. X-rays showed that the knee wasn’t broken, which is good. I was also given Viocidin for the pain, which I have never had before. Good stuff.

So today, I am at home, watching Gilmore Girls on DVD and taking lots of Viocidin for the massive pain that I am in. I am supposed to stay off of my knee for a while, and if my head doesn’t quit hurting, I may just rip it off.

If anyone is bored and wants to come visit me…feel free!! I will just be at home for the next few days in a drug-induced state and would love visitors! (and gifts, if you want…)

Goodbye 2007, Hello 2008

2008-01-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

So, this is the obligatory end of the year post.

This past year has been full of ups and downs. Here are the highlights:

*Lost my job at the daycare. As it turns out, it was a good thing. The stress of the daycare was getting to be way too much. I miss seeing the kids on a daily basis, though. But I still see the ones that I want to, such as Scott & Nathan (of course), Lucas, Mackenzie, Claire, Janie, and Ben. Christmas wasn’t the same this year without making a dozen handprint “holly” wreaths.

*Got a new job at the church. More money, benefits, better hours. I don’t have to worry about getting puked or pooped on. And, I get to use my degree for a change. The last few weeks have been incredibly busy and stressful, but now that Christmas is over, it should lighten up some. (Until the Lent/Easter season, which begins in 6 weeks).

*Went to Ireland, Scotland and England this summer. Life-changing trip. I am so proud to be Irish! Still can’t stop talking about my trip, it was that amazing. I am now ordering food off of FoodIreland.com, drinking my body weight in Earl Gray tea, and redecorated my living room in the English Manor style. Oh, and I met Orlando Bloom. Really, can’t find a negative to the trip…outside of the flight home. And the roads, which were incredibly narrow and scary to drive on.

*Love life is full of ups and downs. Men suck. I just don’t understand why they do the things they do sometimes. I need an owners’ manual. Or, maybe I should just start following the advice of my dear friend Joe, which is to throw rocks at them. And that they are all gay. I am ready to start throwing rocks at their heads. I am that frustrated!!

*Camp this year was amazing. It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times. Kids lives were changed. God was glorified. Oh, and I had the most incidents reported to the Regional office than any other camp that summer. My counselors and staff were great. Couldn’t ask for better. Ok, so maybe if I could convince Zach Alvey that throwing lightening bugs into fans is not a good FOB activity, it would be better. I already have my theme picked out for next summer.

*The kids are growing up fast. Barrett is now 7½ and is playing every sport possible, and kicking butt at all of them. Ella Marie will be 6 in a week and is in kindergarten, which totally blows my mind. I remember taking care of her as an infant! Clayton is 3½ and is completely insane. He is constantly cracking me up! Nathan is almost 5, and is getting to be such a little man. Scott (my Punky) is 2 and is becoming more and more an imp each time I see him. A new Goebel was born in November, Conner David. He is such a cutie! Julie does good work. He doesn’t do much right now but sleep, poop, eat and spit up.

*I am now officially in my 30s. This past summer, I turned 31. It sometimes doesn’t feel like it. At times, I feel like I am just out of college, ready for life to begin, and at other times, it seems like high school and college were 1000 years ago. This May will be my 10 year college reunion. It doesn’t seem possible.

*Friends have gotten engaged, married, and had babies this past year. At times, I feel like my life is on pause, waiting for the play button to get pushed. At other times, I love being single, and being able to just be “Randa”.

So what’s in store for 2008? According to my horoscope in my British edition of Cosmo, the biggest changes in a quarter of a century will happen this year. Whether or not that happens, there are a few things that I would like to do by the end of the year. I don’t want to call them resolutions, because resolutions are usually broken. I’ll call them goals for the year instead:

*Lose 15 pounds. If I can do that, I’ll be close to my high school/college weight again.

*Organize my closet. It’s such a mess right now. I have a really cute little black Gap skirt that I have been looking for for the last three weeks and still can’t find it anywhere.

*Raise the bar at camp this summer. I am hoping to write two curriculums instead of one, with a separate curriculum for boys and girls. I hope I can pull it off.

*Date a boy. It’s simple for most people, but if you know me at all, you know how hard this is for me.

*Own a piece of Burberry. I wanted to get one while in London, but ran out of pounds. London’s an expensive place, and the exchange rate is crap right now for us.

Last night, for New Years, when I finally went to bed, I slipped a piece of mistletoe under my pillow. According to Irish tradition, if a young lady sleeps with mistletoe under her pillow on New Years, she will dream of her future husband. I did dream of someone last night….so I guess I’ll have to wait and see…….hmmm………

Please Respond!

2007-12-30T22:47:00.000-08:00

I hate waiting for a response to an email or a text I have sent. I am not a very patient person when it comes to things like that. With kids, I can be as patient as the day is long. Waiting for a response to an email or a text, not so much.
So please do me a huge favor. If I email or text you for any reason, please, PLEASE respond in a timely manner. Even if the response is "thanks, but can't, busy" or "busy today, but we will talk more later". Just don't leave me hanging!

In other news, getting ready for the new year. More on that to come tomorrow!

Christmas pictures

2007-12-27T11:54:00.001-08:00

Christmas pictures are up! Check them out at
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=79874&l=fb057&id=557840607

Snow, Ice and All Things Nice

2007-12-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

This time of year is the worst. The last two weekends, there have been an extreme amount of ice and snow. Saturday, when I was getting ready to leave BRU, I discovered that my car battery was dead. Sunday morning, I got a new car battery installed thanks to the auto skills of Mr. Robert Reynolds (Bob, you are my hero!).

Last week, after the ice storm, I stood in a friend’s front yard and we played in the ice. It had completely frozen the grass and made a most satisfying crunchy/cracking sound when jumping on it. The ice that was frozen on the trees was quite breathtaking as it glistened in the moonlight. It was a great night.

But, the beauty of the ice is now melted away. Much like everything else in life, it doesn’t last.

There is so much drama going on in life right now. Drama with friends, drama with co-workers, drama with health issues, drama, drama, DRAMA!!! How can you tell a friend that he’s being a stupid idiot? Or tell a friend that you agree with someone else’s assessment of a situation? How do you tell someone what you really think of them?

Christmas is next week. I can’t even get excited about it this year. I’ve been working non-stop, it seems, and the craziness of shopping and trying to get things done is sort of sapping the excitement out of it for me this year. I am excited to see the kids’ reactions to the gifts that I’ve picked out for them. Other than that, it seems to be more about tasks and doing, rather than enjoying the season and having fun.

Sometimes, in days like this, I feel like I am drowning, and just waiting for someone to reach out a hand to save me.

A song that sums things up:

I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Things You May Not Know About Me

2007-12-07T23:49:00.000-08:00

Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten People:
1. I know this has been an extremely difficult time for you. I love you and will always be here for you.
2. I hate you for what you’ve done to me emotionally, but I still like you enough to want to be with you. And I hate myself for still liking you.
3. I miss you terribly, and wish you’d come home soon.
4. I don’t understand why you could just drop me from your life like that. It still hurts.
5. I am so glad that you are in my life once again. My heart has had a gaping hole in it since you left.
6. A thousand words are nice, but actions are nicer. Please stop talking and start doing.
7. Thank you for your unconditional love and support. You will never know how much that means to me.
8. I may be blonde and have a large chest, but I am not a stupid bimbo. I am quite intelligent. Please treat me as such.
9. Get over yourself. You aren’t that special.
10. What you did to me has scarred me for life. I doubt I will ever be able to forgive you. If I never see you again, I would be ok with that.

Nine Things About Yourself:
1. The only reason I clean my house is I fear what Grissom and Willows would think if I was murdered and they came to investigate the crime scene.
2. I’m scared to death of roller coasters, heights, spiders and mice.
3. I don’t know how to swim. I flunked swim class when I was 8.
4. I don’t remember much of my childhood before age 11.
5. I really wish I could be courted in the old-fashioned sense of the word.
6. I feel like a bad-ass chick when I’m in my cowgirl gear (Wranglers, boots, etc.)
7. I love designer labels, and would rather have one really good designer piece than a closet full of knock-offs.
8. I would take a bullet for my kids.
9. I want to take ballroom dance lessons so I can dance like on Dancing with the Stars.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Write me letters, like they did in the old days
2. Talk to me/Be honest with me
3. Make me feel safe enough to cry in front of you, and hold me when I do
4. Don’t lead me on or jerk my chain
5. Be man enough to date only me (and call it a date)
6. Leave me notes, a flower, or text me during the day to let me know you are thinking of me.
7. Surprise me. Leave me a flower/note taped to my front door so I get it when I get home from a long day at work.
8. Hold my hand

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind a Lot:
1. The kids
2. Stupid boys
3. Ireland
4. Friends
5. Love
6. Music lyrics that are stuck in my head
7. God

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:
1. I don’t know if I really have any major regrets. Everything that I’ve done, good or bad, has shaped me into the person I am today.

Five Turn Offs:
1. Smoking
2. Indecisiveness
3. Being too judgmental
4. Physical weakness (I need to feel safe and secure)
5. Being too focused on physical aspects of a relationship

Four Turn Ons:
1. Patience/Understanding
2. Expressive eyes/Knowing smile
3. Guys that wear sweaters over button down shirts and jeans (I like preppy dressers if they aren’t cowboys)
4. Cowboys

Three Smiley's That Describe Your Life:
1. :(
2. :)
3. ;)

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. Fall in Love
2. Live in Ireland (for longer than a week)

One Confession:
1. I desperately want to love and be loved, but am paralyzed by fear of rejection, hurt and loss.

The Emotional Question

2007-12-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

I am not an emotional girl. I never have been, as long as I can remember. I have feelings and emotions, just like everyone else. But I’ve learned over the years that it is useless to show them. Every time I have ever shown any emotion for anything, it turns out bad. Either I get made fun of, they just get dismissed because no one cares about them, or what usually happens, I get hurt.

When I was in school, I let a boy know once that I like him. I found out later that he had only asked me out as a joke. The last guy I let my guard down with and went out on a date with, he didn’t get the message that the double date (we were set up by friends of ours) that we were on with above mentioned friends with was an actual date, and brought another girl with us, a girl that he was interested in dating. So, forgive me if it’s hard for me to show a guy that I have feelings for him.

I’m not one to get all gushy over “girly-type” things. I don’t scrapbook, I don’t do candles, I don’t get all weepy over movies on Lifetime Channel. They could cancel the whole damn network and I wouldn’t care. I’d rather watch the Cowboys play football, or real cowboys rodeo than watch some sappy “heart-wrenching” drama about some woman dying and finding love for those few short months, starring Tori Spelling or Nancy McKeon. I would rather scoop out my own eyeballs with a spoon than read crap like Chicken Soup for the Soul. I would slit my own wrists before I went to an event such as the Women of Faith conference or a “Ladies Retreat”.

I’m also not a crier. I just don’t like to cry, especially in front of people. That’s always been something that has driven my sister, in particular, a little crazy. I don’t even cry at funerals.

And, according to my results of my spiritual gifts survey during my Network class at church a few years ago…I scored a zero on mercy and compassion. Go figure. (My spiritual gifts are administration, creative communications and teaching, by the way. That’s why I rock at running camp!)

Does this make me less of a girl? I don’t know. I still do some girly things. I read Cosmo (British and American versions). I’m completely into fashion, designer labels, and shopping. (My latest fashion craze that I’m trying out is the preppy London look….I loved what I saw when I was in London, so I’m trying to copy it here. It’s a bit hard, but I’m trying.) I like to dress up and do my hair and makeup and look nice. I like it when boys open doors for me, and act all gentlemanly. I love a good girly romance novel. (not trashy romance novels, but real romance novels, like Jane Austen’s stuff).

But, there are things that I like that are traditionally non-girly as well. I have a degree in Agricultural Communications. There were many times in college when I was the only girl in my Ag classes, and was completely comfortable hanging out with the farm boys. I can rope calves. I hung out at the rodeo in college. I worked as a sports reporter for several years, in an all-male sports department. I’ve heard all the dirty jokes. Lovelines with Dr. Drew and Adam Carrola was always on the television in the sports department (there are some messed up people out there!). I have hung out in locker rooms, football fields, hockey arenas, the pit area at the racetrack, and just about anywhere else you can think of. Does that make me less of a girl? I don’t know.

So…what’s the point to all of this? I don’t know. Am I messed up because I’m not emotional? Or girly? Should I start showing more emotions and letting people in on my feelings? I don’t know. I have yet to have a good outcome from showing emotion and feelings.

Henry the VII once said, “As a king, is it better to be feared, or to be loved?” I have a similar question. Is it better to be emotional and risk getting hurt, or not be emotional at all and never get hurt again?

If anyone has any thoughts on this, it would be greatly appreciated!!

My Playlist

2007-11-30T12:47:00.000-08:00

My current musical playlist. Go check these songs out…..read the lyrics at www.cowboylyrics.com (unless otherwise noted). These songs are resonating with me for various reasons. Either the lyrics are reflecting different events in my life or the songs are just so amazing, musically and lyrically, that I can’t stop listening to them.

1. Stay – Sugarland (It’s just vocals and a guitar. It will blow you away.)
2. You Shouldn’t Kiss Me Like This – Toby Keith
3. Winner at a Losing Game – Rascal Flatts
4. Take Me There – Rascal Flatts
5. All I Want for Christmas – Love Actually Soundtrack (this won’t be on cowboylyrics.com)
6. Kerosene – Miranda Lambert
7. Lost In This Moment – Big and Rich
8. A Long Trip Alone – Dierks Bentley
9. Nothin’ Better to Do – LeAnn Rimes
10. Our Song – Taylor Swift
11. Teardrops on My Guitar – Taylor Swift
12. Everybody – Keith Urban
13. Ready, Set, Don’t Go – Billy Ray Cyrus, feat. Miley Cyrus (this is a beautiful father/daughter song!)
14. International Harvester – Craig Morgan (this is just a fun, good ole’ boy song)
15. Easy to Ignore – Sixpence None the Richer (this isn’t on cowboylyrics.com, either)

Thanksgiving Weekend

2007-11-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving weekend is now come and gone. Dinner was ok. I cooked for the family again this year. Time spent with my family is always stressful for me. But, I somehow survived yet another family outing. How, I don't know, but I did.

After dinner was the annual movie outing. My sister and I decided to go see August Rush. Can I just say, for the official record, how much I love Jonathan Rhys Meyers?? He's definately on my freebie list.

He's so pretty. Plus, he did all of his own singing in the movie. Which was amazing. He also plays Henry VIII in the Showtime series "The Tudors". And, he's also an Irish boy. Really, I haven't found much at all that I can put in the negative column.

After the movie, I headed out to Living Faith in Sherman, for what turned into be the great Under Grace/You Tube Thanksgiving Extravaganza 2007. It was quite the event. A little awkward, as Skoog and I were the only ones not part of a touchy-feely couple. But it was a good night. Watched an ridiculous amount of You Tube videos, including two on some Russian singer that was horrifying, yet, I couldn't not watch.

Friday and Sunday was spent working at home. I finally got the living room painting finished, outside of the trim along the top that I am not tall enough to reach. That will have to wait for me to either get a stepladder, or a really tall helper.

Saturday, Ella Marie was a "court child" at the 2007 Beaux Arts Ball. She looked beautiful!!! She really was the princess of the night. I'm so proud of my baby girl!!!

Well, life now gets to speed up exponentially for the next few weeks. It will be interesting to work for a church during the Christmas season!

The Rhythm of Life

2007-11-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

One of the seminars I attended while at the National Youth Worker’s Convention earlier this month was entitled “The Rhythm of Life”. The speaker, Mike King of Youth Front, brought forth a rather radical thought for most Christians: the idea of enjoying life and being human.

Most Christians today prescribe to the philosophy that they must strive to be more like Christ: divine, holy, pure, etc., etc. The hardest thing with this, however, is that most, if not all, will fall short of this goal because it is impossible to attain.

People are also suffering burn out from too much “bad stress”, he said: unreasonable job descriptions, lack of boundaries, unrealistic measurements of success, idealism, lack of support structures, identity confusion, conflicts, lack of friends, busyness, and neglect of the soul.

This isn’t what God wanted for us, according to Mike. He proposed an idea that some traditional Christians would consider a bit unorthodox and radical: that while Jesus came to show us how to be holy, Jesus was also fully human and showed us how to be fully human as well.

It is great to be holy and living for Christ. But, God created this earth for us to enjoy our life on it as well. He asked us the question: What makes you fully alive??

Before we answered this question, he gave us a few suggestions on how to be fully human, following the examples that Jesus set for us. The one that hit home for me is this: To be fully human, we must be rich in experiences of encounters with God and others. This is one that I see a lot of Christians failing in. While it is great to surround yourself with Christian friends, it is the experiences with those outside of your comfort zone that really enrich your life. I have seen this in my own life lately. While my church friends are great, I have richer, greater, and in some cases, more “Christian” experiences with my non-church friends. I often see Christians that are sheltered and have very few experiences outside of the church, and I marvel at the experiences and people that they are missing out on. I know several people that are like this. They are so wrapped up in the church and church activities that I often wonder about how full their life really is. Don’t misread what I am saying here at all. I think it is great to be active in church activities. I am very active in church activities myself. I direct camps, serve on the Regional Youth Committee, and many other activities which I love and am very passionate doing. However, I also have many other non-church activities that I am involved in as well. I think “having a life outside of church” is what makes me even better in my church activities. Spending time watching tv, listening to secular music, going to movies, hanging out at various places, etc., etc., these are all things that then spill over into my Christian life on a regular basis. One concrete example of this is how I used my love for Superman to create my camp theme for this past summer, The Gospel According to Superman. From the feedback I have received about my camp theme, it has affected many, campers and staff alike.

The seminar speaker then revisited the question: What makes you fully alive? If I had to answer that question today, it would be several things:
1. The kids. The kids are a huge part of my life. I love every minute with them. I can’t even imagine my life now without them. It’s great to have that unconditional love that they give. Last night was a great example of this. When I got to the Kurmann household, Clayton, my 3-year-old, had fallen asleep on the couch. When he woke up, his parents had both left for the evening. He was a little upset at first, because Mommy wasn’t there, but when he realized that his Randa was there, he curled up on my lap, laid his head on my chest and ended up falling back asleep on me. The love and trust there is incredible to me.
2. Camp. Yes, it’s a church activity. I have always loved camp at LSBC. My friends on the Regional Youth Committee always tease me about how even now, in November, I already have a camp theme picked out for next summer. In addition to my one week of jr. high camp, I am now co-directing a worship camp with Mr. Robert Reynolds, leading a jr. high weekend camp in September and a college-age camp in May. Camp is one of my greatest passions in life.
3. Movies and television. Yes, there are a lot of people out there that are “above” watching tv. They are too busy, or “have better things to do than watch some mindless television show”. For me, however, it’s a way to unwind at the end of the day, a way to escape the issues and problems that I struggle with on a daily basis. There’s nothing that I like better on a lazy afternoon than popping in a tv series on dvd and just getting away from the world for a while. If that makes me a bad person because I like losing myself in a good movie, then so be it.
4. Writing. I love to write. I don’t do much creative writing anymore it seems, but I love when I can. I love journalistic writing as well, sometimes even more so than creative writing.

What makes you fully human? What is your Rhythm of Life?

The Bachelor

2007-11-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

Monday night was the finale of the Bachelor. In a shocking twist, he sent both girls home. No one got the final rose, no one got a diamond engagement ring.

I'm still in complete shock over it. Never in the history of the show has the Bachelor rejected both women. There have been times when he hasn't proposed, but to reject all the women outright is definately a new twist. Last night, the two finalists, Deanna and Jenni, got to confront Brad and ask the questions that we all wanted to know the answers to. And boy, did they grill him! At one point, I almost felt bad for him, but he kind of deserved it for leading them on the way he did. I was totally behind Deanna the whole time she was talking to him....and I agree with her, it's so confusing to tell a girl that "she's perfect and that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with her...but I have to tell you goodbye". What a wanker.

I loved Jenni and Deanna's comments at the end.....Jenni really nailed it on the head. "This is why I don't wear my heart on my sleeve or put myself out there, because I just get crushed in the end." AMEN SISTER!

Sense and Sensibility

2007-11-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

Two posts in one day. I have been doing laundry all day at my sister’s house, and don’t have much else to do here but watch movies, write blog posts, ponder life and wait for laundry to wash and dry.

I am currently watching Sense and Sensibility, starring Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Greg Wise and Alan Rickman (and a young, unknown named Hugh Laurie). It is one of my favorite Jane Austen novels, second only to Pride and Prejudice. The movie won a Golden Globe, and does an excellent job of remaining quite faithful to the book, thanks to Emma Thompson rewriting the screenplay herself.

There are several themes in this novel (and movie) that stand out to me, and each time I watch the movie or read the novel, I always get something different from it. This time around, there are several themes/questions that I am pondering as of late:

1. Is it better to be reserved with emotions, like Elinor, or be blatantly obvious with them, like Marianne, in regards to feelings toward the opposite sex? This theme also came up briefly in Pride and Prejudice, when Charlotte Lucas told Elizabeth Bennett that it is better to show more affection than you feel to secure the man in question as quickly as possible before he is lost to someone else. Elizabeth Bennett disagreed with this theory. I believe in the past, I would say I have been more like Elinor, very reserved with my feelings and emotions. And I wonder if that hasn’t been part of my problems with guys in the past, that I have been too reserved. For me, it’s been a defense mechanism. But I also wonder if it’s not what is preventing me from really having the relationship I long to have.

2. Marianne meets and instantly falls in love with John Willoughby. He courts her for several months, and then without any notice, leaves and goes to London. When she goes to London with Mrs. Jennings and the rest of the party later, and runs into him at a party, he acts very indifferent toward her. She writes to him to ask what is going on, and his cold response tells her that he wishes to apologize if he was too free with his emotions and conveyed sentiments that he did not intent to convey; in other words, he’s sorry if he led her on, but he never meant to make her think that he liked her as anything other than a friend. She is heartbroken, and ends up going for a walk in the rain, catching an unnamed illness and almost dying because of it. My sister and I now use the phrase “I’ve been Willoughby-ed” in reference to guys that lead someone on and then decide that “you are just friends” or “you are reading too much into it” or do anything Willoughby-esque. I am tired of being Willoughby-ed. I am tired of guys that make you think one thing, just to find out later you were wrong. In Willoughby’s case in the novel, however, he really did love Marianne, but due to circumstances, some of his own doing and some beyond his control, he cannot marry her, and instead marries for money. She can at least take solace in the idea that it’s not because she’s not good enough. That is something that I am also tired of. I’m tired of not being (fill in the blank)-enough. Tall enough, smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, etc. etc.

3. The end of the movie does give one hope, however. Elinor has fallen in love with Edward Ferrars, and finds out from her friend Lucy Steele that Edward and Lucy have been secretly engaged for the last five years. She thinks that it is over forever, especially when she hears that “Miss Steele and Mr. Ferrars were married over the weekend.” Turns out, Lucy runs away with Edward’s brother, Robert, which frees Edward up to ask Elinor to marry him. Edward had been in love with Elinor since he met her, but refused to act on it due to his honor and duty to his previous engagement. So, even though her heart had been broken, she finds out that he loved her all this time and she gets her happy ever after ending. It gives me hope that even though I think that men are wankers now, that one day I may get my happy ever after ending as well. Jane Austen wrote fiction, yes, but not fairy tales. The endings were actually endings that could happen in “real life”.

So…what do I take from this? Many things. But also many more questions have been prompted. Thanks, Jane.

Observations from BRU

2007-11-18T17:35:00.000-08:00

As many of you may know, I work a few hours a week at Babies R Us for extra cash. Ireland was expensive, and I am still trying to pay for it. It’s whittling down slowly, but until I make more of a dent in it, I am slaving away in a crap job for crap pay.

Working there, however, I have learned a few things. People can be really stupid sometimes. Like this whole Bumbo recall. Bumbo had to recall their infant seats because stupid parents were leaving their kids unattended and sitting on kitchen counters or tables and the infants were wiggling out of them (they do not have a safety restraint system) and falling off the counter or table or whatnot. One child had actually fractured his skull in the fall. I really don’t see how it is Bumbo’s fault. We had one at the daycare, and I would have never left a child in that seat unattended. It’s not that the seat was faulty; it’s stupid parents not paying attention to their kids!

One of the greatest challenges in working there, however, is watching all of the happy married (and usually now pregnant) couples coming in. Not gonna lie, as I get older, it is getting to be one of the hardest things about the job. When I moved into my apartment in the park, that became one of the very few things I don’t like about living in the area. When I’m feeling down or depressed, watching the happy little couples strolling through the park, holding hand, pushing baby prams, having picnics, etc., just makes me want to sit on my front porch with a BB gun and shoot at them whenever they come near enough.

At the store, it’s even worse. Everyone is so freaking happy and glowing and crap that it makes me want to vomit. But what is the worst is some of the couples that do come in. There are these ladies that are so scary looking that they didn’t just get smacked by the ugly stick, they fell out of the tree and hit every branch on the way down. For example, this one person that came in the other day. From the neck up, this person resembled the late great Rich Mullins, only about 200 pounds heavier and with thinning hair in the front and in the back. From the neck down, this person was several pounds overweight, obese even. My coworker Katie and I had trouble even figuring out whether or not this person was a man or a woman. However, to my shock and dismay, this person was wearing a wedding ring set and carrying a purse (so we decided on female). But the depressing part of this was the realization that not only was she married, but someone had slept with her in order to produce a child.

And yet, I am still single and alone.

Today at church, Pastor Jeff talked about the parable of the vineyard workers (Matthew 20) and how envy can destroy your heart and cause lots of problems in your life. As I was thinking about that today, I can see how envy can be part of my problem. I want that happy life. I want to get married, have children and grow old with someone. How can I not but be envious when I see someone else living the life I so desperately want? I see people dating, getting married and starting families everywhere I go, and they make it seem so easy. It’s hard, especially for someone like me, not to be envious of something like that.

However, although I can admit to the envy part, I wonder if there isn’t something more behind it. I don’t think it’s all just envy. However, I don’t know what the other part of it is. If anyone has any insight into what it might be, let me know, so I can destroy it and move on with my life already!

I have a busy week ahead. Only a three day work week, which is good, yet bad in the sense that I have to get a week’s work done in just three days. I actually went in to work for a couple of hours this morning before hitting the 10:45 service at CHBC.

New Baby

2007-11-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the world Conner David!!!!!

Conner was born Wednesday, Nov. 14, at 10 a.m. He weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and was 20 inches long. Baby, Mom and the rest of the family are doing fantastic!

I headed up to the hospital to visit and bring presents. Nathan and Scott were, of course, running around like the village idiots. In between runnings, however, Nathan kept demanding to hold the baby. He did a pretty good job....unfortunately, he doesn't always understand that when he done holding the baby, he needs to let someone know, rather than just letting go. This is why someone sits with him while he holds the baby. It's a learning curve for him, I'm sure. The last time he was around a baby was when Scott was born, and he was just 2 at the time.

Julie is looking great (if you are reading this: yes you are...don't argue!), if a bit tired. But then again, I hear labor does that to you. Not that I'd know from experience or anything, but that's the word on the street. And of course, when I mean streets, I mean those little fake streets they have there at the zoo. (10 bucks if you can name the quote).

For baby gifts, I decided on a new, bigger and more stylish diaper bag than the one she had for Scott, a couple of panda bear binkys (of course) and John Deere baby toys (another given). I think Scott will be playing with the tractor keys more than anyone...he was very excited about them.

I told Julie that I think I like having kids this way. Someone else does all the work, and I just get the good stuff, like playing and cuddling and all that jazz.

And, speaking of babies...........congratulations to Amanda and Toby!!!!!!! Lucas will be a big brother in July!!! It's all very exciting! Hopefully, Lucas will have updated his blog by then.....

Other than that, just trying to get ready for Thanksgiving!! So much to do, so little time to do it. Dierks Bentley and Jack Ingram are in town tonight. I may try to head over there if I can find someone to go with me....it sucks when most of your friends are married with kids, or just don't like country enough to go to a concert with you.

Returning to Blogging

2007-11-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Wow, according to my sign-in page, my last post was July 8. Several months have past, and it's been an interesting/crazy few months at that.

Highlights:

* Went to Ireland, Scotland and England for two weeks. Unbelievable trip. Trip highlights to come in future post, for sure. Until then..Ireland was amazing. Words cannot express how much I loved Ireland. The food was unbelievable. I am now ordering it online and having it shipped to my house, that's how much I loved it! England was also amazing. I think I was born in the wrong country.

* Got a new job! Yay for me! I am now the Director of Communications at St. John's Lutheran Church. Yeah, I know...Lutherans. It sure is different than being in a Baptist Church. But, so far, it's been good. More to come on that as well, I'm sure.

* Love life is all screwed up now. Men are selfish, stupid wankers that should burn in the deepest depths of hell. I have learned two very important things these last few months.

1 - There is a reason I don't date much. You only get screwed over in the end. It's not worth it anymore. I'm tired of the games and the crap. I'm tired of them being spineless and not talking about anything. I'm tired of being led on and then told that what you were thinking and feeling was all wrong. I'm just tired of it all. I am really wondering why I ever even tried in the first place.

2 - I am destined to die alone, only to be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs.

* Getting ready for a busy holiday season. Ella Marie is going to be in the Beaux Arts Ball on the 24th, and sometime between now and Thanksgiving, another Goebel baby will have been born. Plus, in addition to all the normal holiday craziness, I am making Thanksgiving dinner again this year, which will be fun, and I'm working at a church, so this will be our "super bowl".

* The kids are cracking me up more than anything lately. Ella Marie is starting to think boys are cute. She told me the other day how much she likes the Jonas Brothers (a singing group on the Disney Channel), and apparently she likes a little boy on Barrett's soccer team. She is growing up so fast!! Barrett and Clayton are being goofy as usual. Barrett is now hit the tech age and is emailing all the time now. His emails crack me up! Nathan and Scott are getting excited for the new baby. Scott believes that they will name him "Dan Zanes", which is his favorite children's singer. I told him I don't see that happening, but he insists. Scott also told me that he'd marry me. Nathan then informed me that I am supposed to marry the person I live with, like his mommy is married to his daddy. I informed him that I didn't live with anyone, and his response is, "well, then you just have to go outside and find someone to marry and tell them that you are getting married and then you get married." FINALLY!! Now I know what I've been doing wrong all these years!!!

* Last weekend, I went to the National Youth Workers Convention in St. Louis. It was such a great weekend, for several reasons. I learned a lot, as always, and had a great time, as always. But, it was also nice to hang out with Bob for the weekend. I stayed at his place because it turns out that his new apartment is right across the street from the Edward Jones Dome, where the convention was held. On the downside, I twisted my ankle, and I think I did some damage to my foot as well, because it's not getting much better.

* I had sort of a life-changing epiphany that weekend as well. At the convention, I made an appointment with one of the convention pastors, Dr. Gerali. I've known Dr. Gerali for a while now, as he used to be a professor at Judson College and we have a mutual friend. Anyway, Dr. Gerali is usually at the conventions, so each year, I always try to schedule in a Dr. Gerali mental health check appointment. This year was very crucial for that appointment, as my life has been a virtual roller-coaster for the last few months: lost a job, got a new job, went to the UK, met a boy, learned that men are wankers, and then my friend Bob's dad passed away. It was very sudden and unexpected. So, in a sense, I was dealing with all of my own crap, and trying to be strong and be a friend for Bob. Dr. Gerali made me see a few things:
1 - I can't always handle everything myself. It's ok to ask for help. That's something I have a really hard time doing.
2 - I have a right to my feelings and emotions, and I shouldn't be afraid to express them. That's something else I have a really hard time doing. I'm not one to "talk things out" and let people know what's going on in my head. So, I guess I need to start doing that more.
3 - I don't get enough rest. Not in the physical sense (although I don't get enough there, either), but in the emotional and spiritual sense. I am always so concerned about other's feelings, that I don't have time to deal with my own. My assignment from him was to go to the prayer chapel, turn off the cell phone, close my eyes, and just rest, and allow myself to cry if I need to. And I'm supposed to do that often. Which is really hard for me, because if you know me at all, you know I don't cry much. And when I'm pulled in so many directions, it's easy to then "lose it" if I don't take enough time for myself.

Well, that's the last few months in a nutshell. Christmas is coming up, then New Years and Singles Awareness Day. It's going to be a busy few months!

The Search for Hope

2007-07-08T19:58:00.001-07:00

I leave for Ireland in 7 days!

My birthday is in 6 days!

Other than that, really can't find much exciting about life. For those that don't know, I was diagnosed with depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder a few years back. So, I have good days and some days that are not so good. It's a never ending cycle that I am constantly fighting to break out of, but yet I never seem to get out of the cycle completely. I am also learning that while I can be feeling good one moment, the slightest thing can trigger a downward cycle. It can be little things, such as a friend not calling me back, someone treating me in a way that they wouldn't anyone else, or even just a long night alone when it seems like no one cares. Some of it is my own issues, such as allowing someone to talk to me in a way I don't like, but not having the confidence to call them out on it.

I look at people that have such hope in the future, and wonder how they get that hope. At times I wonder if I am just one of those people who are destined to be melancholy and alone all of my life. Some people are just born that way; usually they are great artists or musicians or something. I, on the other hand, am rapidly becoming a George Constanza...at least I'm not living with my parents right now.

How does one get hope? And is that what makes people happy? Is that why I can't get truly happy, because I have no hope? I don't want to rely on prescription drugs the rest of my life to feel happy...or whatever semblance of happy that it creates.

I need someone to tell me that it's all going to be OK.

2007-07-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

wow, it's been almost a month since my last post. Here are a few updates of what's been going on since then.

* I don't have mono! Yay! This theory was tested on Friday night the week I was sick. Clayton decided to bodyslam me. If I did have mono, then I am currently working without a spleen, as I believe it would have ruptured.

* Camp was June 23-30. It went really well. Jr. highers will suck your soul right out, I am convinced. Many stories will come from camp, I'm sure, but the highlights are: had to call DCFS; sent one girl home after she tried to kill herself; sent two kids to the hospital, one with a gash on his head that required stitches and the other with a broken leg (turned out to be just a chip out of the shin bone); got yelled at by a parent for trying to make her son understand why you can't destroy other people's property and why he has to pay to replace said destroyed items; spent many hours convincing Craig that I did not intentionally give him all of the hoodlums in one cabin, that it just worked out that way; did a Christian Passover Seder; taught the kids about Jesus and how Superman is a modern day parable of the Gospel story; and made fun of Patrick Embley any chance I got. Camp is always a good week, even with all the crap that went on. MY COUNSELORS ROCKED IT OUT!!! They are awesome! Except for Sarah Liz, who is just a mean counselor, of course.

The small groups at camp this year were really deep, especially for jr. highers. My counselors were telling me about times when the kids were just crying after talking about things, such as who they are, why they are here, jesus loves them, what their true identity is, etc. Hopefully lives were changed.

* I LEAVE FOR IRELAND IN NINE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so insane to think that it's this close already. Before you ask, yes, I am aware of the bombings in London, and yes, I still plan on going. I'm flying into and out of Ireland, and really, no one is mad at the Irish, they just bomb each other. We went ahead and registered our trip with the Embassy, just in case something else happens. Today I went and got my Travel Visa card. It's so much easier than traveler's checks, and if it gets stolen, it's covered by Visa, which is good.

* I still have no job. Been sending out lots of resumes, but nothing back yet. Thankfully, I haven't had any rejections yet either, so I am taking it as a good sign.

Other than that, not much else to report on. My birthday is in 8 days! Yay for birthdays!

2007-06-14T15:00:00.000-07:00

so, now not only do I have no job, I also have strep throat and possibly mono. So, I really haven't done anything all week. I have enjoyed a four day long Gilmore Girls marathon though.

2007-06-09T20:21:00.001-07:00

so. I resigned from the daycare on Wednesday. It's a long, complicated story. I didn't want to leave, but I had no choice.

Now, I am sinking. I am falling rapidly into a deep, deep pit of darkness. I can feel it all around me. I don't want to do anything. It took everything I could muster just to get out of bed this morning. I didn't do that on Thursday until close to the end of the day. Not until it was time to go to St. Louis. Went to my friend Bob's house for the night, and hung out with him, my sister and his roommate Ryan. Unfortunately, it didn't help much to bring up out of this darkness and despair that I am falling deeper into.

Please tell me it's all going to be ok. Because I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Exciting Stuff

2007-05-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

* MY PASSPORT IS FINALLY HERE!!! YAY!!! I can now travel internationally....now I just need to wait until we leave on July 15....how crazy am I going??

* Apollo Anton Ohno won Dancing with the Stars last night. He was my pick, along with Billy Ray of course, from the beginning. I may have a bit of a crush on him now.

* I must write a very strongly worded letter to Fox Soccer Channel. They showed the big Chelsea-Man. Utd. game last night, which I DVR'd, as I was at work, and they cut it off just as they were going into overtime. It wasn't a live game, for pete's sake. They should have allotted adequate time for it!!!!

*But...Chelsea won 1-0 in double OT!! YAY BLUE!!!! They are now the FA Cup Champions!!!

* Tomorrow is the opening night of Pirates 3. I am going to the advance screening at 8 p.m. on Thursday....and Friday is Pirate Day at school.

* Recent pictures are on my Facebook....I'm just going to put them there until I can figure out the whole picture thing on this blog. I can't get it to work right!

Me and Heather at the Cub Foods

2007-05-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Heather was over to hang out for a few minutes. I love Heather! She's just turned 18, and I've known her since she was a toddler...basically forever.

As we run over to Cub Foods, in her new Dodge Stratus that she got for her 18th birthday two months ago, I mention that I am so happy to see that she has the seat pulled up as far as possible. I also have my car seat pulled up all the way, which is necessary for me to be able to reach the pedals.

Heather says that she's never understood those driver's ed teachers that say that you should have a book's length of space in between you and the steering wheel. And then she decides she would like to try this, and see how it feels.

Quote of the night #1:
"I'm going to test something here, and if you die, it's not my fault."

Walking into Cubs, with Heather wearing a tank and a pair of capris... Quote of the night #2:
"I wish I had remembered to bring my jacket with me. I feel like a whore right now."

And....to show how much I love my Heather.....I scaled a cooler, just to get a package of bacon that was in the back.

I scaled a cooler at Cubs.

Fun times on a Thursday night.

This and That

2007-05-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been like a month since my last post. It's been a very long, draining month, but here's the highlights:

* I got a part time job at Babies R Us. I need more money, to pay for England and stuff, and figured if I'm going to work anywhere like that, Babies R Us would be the best place, as I am an expert at the product.

* Regular job is hell right now. Won't go into details here, but if you want to know the whole gory story, just ask me.

* Nathan's birthday is next week, on the 8th. I can't believe he's 4!! AND, Barrett's birthday is on the 14th. He's going to be 7!! It's all a bit insane.

* Another Goebel baby is coming around Thanksgiving! Congrats to Todd and Julie!

* Chelsea is still in the hunt for the league title. Joe Cole is amazing right now. Go Joe!!!! They play Arsenal on Sunday. It's a game they have to win, as they need all the points they can get right now if they want to win the league title for a third time.

* New season of Hannah Montana started last week. I know, it's the Disney Channel, but how can you not like Billy Ray Cyrus?

* Ella Marie started soccer this year. She is wearing the required uniform shirt, but other than that, everything she has on is pink. Pink shoes, soccer socks, shinguards, soccer ball, shorts, everything. It's not hard to pick her out of the group.

* Survivor is almost over. Alex (my pick) got voted out last night. It sucks.

* I need man.

* I think I might want to open up my own daycare/preschool center. I already have a name for it: Excelsior Prep. It's the name of the prep school that Lex Luthor went to in Metropolis. Any thoughts on this idea?

* Two months until camp. And, I've got nothing done for it. Panic is about to set in soon.

* Qdoba is the downfall of my existance. The steak nachos are a little piece of heaven.

* I saw a guy in Sam's the other day buying a box of 52 pair of underwear. That's a lot of underwear.

* Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. Have a margurita and celebrate!

Happy Day!

2007-04-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

Joe Cole is BACK!!!! He officially started training with the team again on Sunday, and should be playing Wednesday against Valencia. It's about frickin' time!!! He's been out all season.

You may now do a saucy jig to celebrate.

In other news.....work is crap. Literally. Last week, I got pooped on twice and Audrey peed in my hand. I need a new job.

Randomness from the last week or so

2007-03-16T18:04:00.001-07:00

Today is the first day of the two day long St. Patrick's Day celebration. I have eaten potatoes about 4 times already, I believe. Man, I love potatoes.
I may or may not have scared a life out of my sister's cat today.
Next weekend the Professional Bullriders Association is in town for two days. Hmm....cowboys...........
Joe Cole is hoping to return to playing for Chelsea in about a month. He's been out for most of the season so far due to injury. It's been a long season without my Joe.
My Punky has been in Florida for the last week with the family. I am having serious Punky withdrawl.
This week, I began taking a prescription sleeping pill. I can go to sleep fine, but keep waking up during the night and staying awake. I didn't realize how tired I was until Saturday, when I took the first one and slept 12 hours straight. Guess I was a bit tired!
Sunday was Clayton's third birthday. I can't believe he's three!! I remember holding him in the hospital when he was just 6 hours old. I got him a Betta fish and a fish tank. He is so excited...and promptly named his fish Nemo. He asked me several times why he can't pet his fish. It's a hard concept for a three year old.
I have lost 11 pounds so far on my "eat healthier" plan. Yay me!

Potatoes, St. Patrick's Day, and all other things Irish

2007-03-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

So, I did a dumb thing. Although I'm not Catholic, in recent years I have been trying to give something up for Lent, just to see if I could.

This year, I gave up potatoes. It's a hard thing. I am Irish and English, it turns out. More Irish, though, like 90%. In case you couldn't tell by my pale white skin, blonde hair and numerous freckles. I know, it's a shock. Just believe me on this one. I'm really Irish.

Giving up potatoes is KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! There are some days when I just eat a big bowl of mashed potatoes with stuff added to it for lunch or supper. That's how much I like potatoes.

My one reprieve is that I put the stipulation in that I can eat potatoes on St. Patrick's Day. It would be impossible to eat Irish food on that day and not have something made from potatoes involved. Two weeks to go until my day of reprieve....................

But on to the exciting news..........

This summer...I'm going to the UK!!!!

First off, we're going to Ireland. Our first stop will be the Cliffs of Moher (below). Aren't they amazing?

After five fun filled days in the land of my ancestry (and the land that gave us Guiness), we're off to Scotland. While in Scotland, I plan on buying a piece of land, so I can become an official Lady. And yes, I will be making everyone call me Lady Miranda...so if you want to go ahead and start now so you can get used to it, feel free.

From there....on to England. First stop.....Pemberley. From Pride and Prejudice, the six-hour mini series...not the crappy movie that came out last year. Trust me, it sucks wind compared to the BBC version.

This is Lyme Park, which they used for Pemberley. And, yes, I do plan on stealing a bottle of water from the lake out in front, where the famous Mr. Darcy-coming-out-of-the-lake-looking-all-wet-and-sexy-scene took place.

Speaking of Mr. Darcy...I also plan on stalking Colin Firth while there.......

And Joe Cole. A tour of Stamford Bridge (Chelsea's football stadium) is on the first day of London's itnerary. The tour includes the locker room, so even if I don't see him, I can still try to leave him a note in his locker. I know, it's all very junior high, but what's the alternative?

Four and a half months until we leave. I don't know if I can wait that long!!!! The wait is going to kill me if the loss of potatoes don't first!

Pemberley

2007-02-19T15:54:00.000-08:00

I got a fish this weekend. A purple Betta fish. His name is Pemberley.

Obama...and wind burn

2007-02-11T15:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to see Sen. Barack Obama announce that he was running for president. My sister's friend Carrie was able to get us tickets so we were in the 'preferred seating' area, not just out on the street with the other 17,000 people that were there.

We got there at about 8:30...and it was 11 degrees. Even wearing multiple layers, it was flippin' cold outside! Thank goodness for the handwarmers and feet warmers I had bought the night before at Dick's Sporting Goods...five dollars well spent!

Here is my sister and I, freezing our butts off!

Barack Obama...announcing that he's running for president. Yes, we really were that close.

The snipers on the roofs around us, in case someone wanted to shoot Obama. I don't think I have ever seen snipers on roofs in Springfield before.

After the announcement stuff was over, we started walking back and Brian, a friend of April's friend Carrie who was with us, was saying that he had never been to Springfield's capitol building, as he is from Michigan..and had never really been to Springfield before. (He goes to Ill. Wesleyan). So...we had to stop at the capitol so he could see the rotunda and stuff.

Upon entering, I had to stop and check out the photo of my favorite politician....State Treasurer Alexi Giannoulias. Hey, he's 30, single, and mighty nice looking.....

Laying on the floor looking at the Rotunda with Carrie and Brian....

All in all....good morning. Even though it took me hours to finally thaw out...my face is still wind burned. And my ankles hurt from standing on tip toe for hours.

I need some hot chocolate now.

2007-02-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

so, I'm going on a "not a job interview" job interview in the morning. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I have a story in the A&E section. It's on the Illinois Symphony Orchestra. Check it out as well!

2007-02-01T15:48:00.000-08:00

This is Lucas. Guess what he did the other day?

Yes, that would be poop. It makes you all out there appreciate your own jobs just a little bit more, doesn't it?

2007-01-25T09:58:00.000-08:00

Check out my story in today's A&E section:

http://www.sj-r.com/sections/ane/stories/106214.asp

totally ticked off!!

2007-01-23T19:13:00.000-08:00

I am quite angry right now. Without going into details, let me just say that I am tired of working my butt off, giving my time and talents to something just to find out that I am not considered a part of the group. I am getting sick and tired of being used. I think I may have to take a step back and just take a break from everything for a while. I am really, really angry right now...I can't even see straight.

Bored with my social circles

2007-01-16T15:22:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel that you are just surrounded by the same people all the time? I was thinking the other day, and realized that I really don't have an opportunity to meet a lot of new people because of where I am right now in life. Same people at work, same people at church, etc., etc. I think I need to do something where I can meet some new people, but I don't know what that is. Any thoughts?

Various observations from the last few days

2007-01-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've been doing this blogger thing a few weeks now, and the one thing that I miss that xanga had was the footprints feature. I like knowing that there was someone out there who had read what I wrote, and that I'm not just writing into cyberspace. I haven't found that feature here yet. If it exists, please let me know. If not, at least leave me a comment and let me know that someone reads this thing.

I took Thursday and Friday off as 'mental health days'. They were fantastic. It was basically two days of sleeping in late, laying around the house, and not doing a whole lot of anything. I think people need days like that once in a while. Although it is possible to do that on weekends, for some reason it just seemed better when you know you are supposed to be at work and you're not. I wonder why that is?
I really am beginning to hate this time of year. My seasonal depression begins to kick in, now that the distraction of the holidays is over. I am going to try something new this year....Relecore. It's supposed to help make you feel better with some all-natural combination, anti-stress, etc., and in turn, it helps you lose belly fat. So, if all goes well, I will be happier AND skinner!! How can you go wrong with that?
Last night at youth group, my small group (senior girls) kind of got off track. Best quote of the night, from one Ms. Rebecca Herrington: "If I could be allowed just one major sin, it would be to do Tom Welling." Yes, that would Clark Kent from the show Smallville.
I have a new show that I am semi-obsessed with (and please, feel free to laugh). I am sad to announce that I have, in fact, becoming addicted to Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel. The girl in it is Miley Cyrus, daughter of one former mullet poster boy Billy Ray Cyrus, and he plays her dad in the show, sans mullet. But, they often refer back to the mullet days. And, it's just good fun. Any show that features Billy Ray Cyrus, sans mullet, is just good television.
Next post: A photo essay of Saturday. My Christmas present to Nathan was a day trip to Moline, the home of the world headquarters of John Deere. Saturday was the day it happened. Let me just say that when he goes to Disney World this March, it will seem bland by comparison to the excitement and awesome-ness (is that word?) of the John Deere World Headquarters.

A Really Long Post....read it, the story about me trapped in a dress is worth it!

2007-01-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

Wow...I'm glad the holidays are over. It's been an incredibly busy two weeks!

Saturday, the 23rd - Shopping all day with Rachel....and she bought 2 pairs of jeans. It's an event when Rachel buys jeans. She only does that about once a decade. She probably tried on 50 pairs of jeans before deciding which ones to purchase. I bought a dress and a pair of shoes to match.

I was planning to wear it that evening to Aaron and Callie's wedding. However, I made the mistake of trying on a different dress at home, and found out that the zipper was stuck through the fabric. And it wouldn't zip up all the way, or zip down so I could get it off. After a frantic phone call for suggestions on how to get out of being trapped in a dress, I finally just took a pair of scissors and cut myself out. It was quite the sight.

Saturday night - Callie and Aaron's wedding. It was beautiful. And weird. For dinner, we had pancakes and breakfast casserole. And Callie walked down the aisle to "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys. I wouldn't expect anything less from that group.

Sunday - Christmas Eve service. I ran video for the a.m. services. It went spectacularly.

Monday - Christmas Day. I made my dad cry, he was so moved by what I got him for Christmas. I get the Daughter of the Century award.

Tuesday-Friday - We only had 2 kids all week in my class. I used the opportunity to repaint my classroom, and add bright color accents. It looks amazing now.

New Year's Weekend - I cleaned a lot. Not much else exciting for the party weekend.

For Christmas, I received seasons 2 and 3 of Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. So, I have been in a Superman zone for the last two weeks. Dean Cain is a great Superman. And, while he's nice looking as Superman, he's really hot as Clark Kent...the hottest Clark Kent I've ever seen.

And to use a term my sister has just invented: I think I was just Willoughby-ed today. Read Sense and Sensibility if you don't know who Willoughby is.

The crazy week before Christmas....

2006-12-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that Christmas is just four days away. And Festivus (for the restofus) is in two days.

This past week has been non-stop. Today is my only night off, and I'm glad to have the down time to wrap presents, catch up on some CSI, etc.

Sunday was the Outerpark Christmas Extravaganza. I messed up a few times, but they were minor, so only those who know what was supposed to happen know I messed up (which was like 2 people). Other than that, it went very well!! My mom did comment, though, during the rendition of TSO's Carole of the Bells, with the red lights on the stage and everyone wearing black, that it was a good representation of what she's often imagined hell would be like.

Tuesday, I took Barrett and Ella Marie to go see Charlotte's Web. I thought it was fabulous!! The kids really like it. And they didn't get too upset when Charlotte dies at the end. (If I just ruined it for you, well, it's like the Titanic. You know what happens at the end going in!)

After that, we had Christmas at the Kurmann household. I got Barrett a sports bag with his name on it, Clayton a tool chest (and 40 tools) from Home Depot, and Ella Marie a gift certificate for a princess makeover at the princess store. Of course, they all loved their gifts....Randa knows how to shop for her kids!

While this week has been fun so far...I can't wait until Saturday!!! My friend Rachel is back in Illinois!!! YAY!!! She moved to Montana after college, so while we still keep in touch, I don't remember the last time I actually was in the same state with her....let alone the chance to hang out like old times!

In today's edition if the SJ-R...

2006-12-14T05:45:00.000-08:00

Story by me in today's A&E section of the State Journal-Register. Go read it, and leave a comment about how wonderful it is (and how wonderful I am)!

My Soulmate

2006-12-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

This morning, while checking my email, there was a banner ad across the top of the screen. It promised that by entering in my name and zodiac sign, it would give me the name of my soulmate. Turns out, my soulmate is named Jeffrey. I only know one Jeffrey, and he's married. So, I don't think it's him. But, I will definitely be on the lookout for guys named Jeff in the future. If you're name's not Jeff, well, I guess that means you are not my soulmate.

Although, according to a girl at camp, Bob Reynolds is my soulmate because we have the same license plate. Guess Jeff will have some competition for the soulmate status.

P.S. I do need a date to a wedding next weekend. Jeff, if you are out there.....call me.

2006-12-13T05:43:00.000-08:00

Best quote of the night:

A girl walks into to Jolly Tamale, where Dan, Bob and I are eating.

Dan - "Wow, she's really cute."

Bob - "We should throw a sancho at her."

2006-12-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to me how much kids grow up in such a short time. And I am always amazed that I get to be around some of them long enough to see that change.

Nathan has started to develop concern, empathy and the desire to think about others. He's only three years old, but his level of sympathy and empathy is astounding to me already.

This past week, I have babysat for him twice (it's the holiday season, babysitting increases by leaps and bounds). Wednesday, when Todd called to say that they were on their way home, he mentioned that Julie wasn't feeling 100% well. I told Nathan that we should go upstairs and get his pajamas on, since Mommy wasn't feeling good and it would be very helpful if he was already in his pjs when she got home. He agreed, but then began to go even futher with it, asking me if we had the stuff to make a pie (like we always do for Julie's birthday), because "that might make Mommy feel better".

Scott has been sick all week....chest infection, fluid behind his ears (a precursor to an ear infection), cough, etc. His pediatrician put him on Zithromax Wednesday, which has pretty much knocked him on his butt. While he was laying on me Wednesday night, Nathan kept coming over to him, rubbing his back, bringing him toys and books, etc.

Last night was the greatest example of this. Todd and Julie had a family holiday thing down around St. Louis, and wouldn't be home by bedtime. So, Nathan wanted to call them before he went to sleep to say goodnight.

As I am watching him talk to his mom, he keeps telling her to "make sure that they drive carefully, because Tom and Leanne's house is very far away." And that she needs to wear her seatbelt, etc. He sounded like the worried father of a 16-year-old girl who just got her license. It was so flippin' cute!!

In the past, when out shopping for a birthday, Christmas or other gift-giving occasion, he hasn't always gotten the concept that you have to pick out what you think the other person would want. For Todd's birthday last year, for example, he picked out a dump truck with lights and sounds. This year, however, he is so excited to go shopping for presents for Mommy and Daddy and Scott, and he already knows what he wants to get them. They are presents that they would actually like! Not dump trucks or tractors! He's getting so grown up......

Nathan talking on the phone with his mom....

Scott checking out my shoes..the soles are coming off at the toe, so he thinks it is really funny to pull them apart.

Scott being pathetically cute.

2006-12-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well, let's go on a journey of the last few days in the life of me.......

First off....I have a bazillion stories due for the paper. It's busy time, but it also means money! As is the babysitting thing. Busy time to babysit, but again, it's money.

To complicate matters further, the ice storm of the century hits. And my house loses power. After trying to tough it out with no power, which also means no heat, in my little apartment, I decide to abandon ship and go to my sister's house, which has power. On the way to said house, however, my beautiful Neon gets stuck in the snow....in the parking lot. How sad is that!

My sister agrees to come over and help me dig it out, but calls a few minutes later, saying that her parking lot hasn't been plowed yet and she can't get out either.

I then call Todd and Julie, who agree to come rescue me and take me their house. When Todd arrives in his 4x4, he asks if we can make a quick stop at the firm to pick up a few files. When we get there, Todd decides that it's a great time to do doughnuts in the parking lot. However, he didn't tell me we were doing that...doughnuts by surprise are quite scary at first.

After we left Gates, Wise and Schlossler, we head out, and come across a tree that is down, blocking the road. This is when Todd asks, "Do you think we can make it?" and proceeds to drive through the tree branches. That's right. Through a tree.

My power is back on now, finally....yay!

To make the weekend just that much better, a sheet of ice about 2 foot wide, 4 foot long and at least 3-5 inches think fell off of my car yesterday morning, and landed on my knee. My leg is now a gross shade of black.

But...if I have to be stuck inside during a snowstorm, the Goebels house is the place to be. The kids were competely cracking me up all night long!

So, the power is on, I have heat, my stories are done, and none too soon, because everyone around me is getting sick, kids, parents, teachers, my sister, etc. Time to start doing shots of Airbourne.

welcome to my blogspot

2006-11-28T15:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I decided to get rid of the xanga thing, because, well, this looks way cooler than xanga, I get to have my own name in the address, and my kids in my class are on here (yes, I know, it's all very strange...my 4 month olds have blogs!). So, I figured I'd start using this one, that way anyone can post a comment, and I can post comments on my kids' sites as well. Plus, I'm kind of getting bored with the xanga thing, so it's time for a change.

More to come later, but for now.....head over to www.lucastrimmer.blogspot.com to check out Lucas' blog! He's 4 months old, and it's really funny!